I’m a little late with this one but better late than sorry or however the fuck it goes. I just dot get all the fucking hype.
Now, I’m not above suckin down 12 Shipyard Pumpkinheads, or slurping down too many slices of pumpkin cheesecake, but pumpkin lattes? Give me a fucking break.
Pop tarts? Fuck that s’mores Pop Tarts all fuckin day. Whats next a fuckin pumpkin hot pocket that I can burn the fuck outta my mouth on?
Pringles? Get bent. I’d rather sit on a Pringles tube. I though you guys were getting a little out of hand with the xtreme pickle and all that other horse shit, but this is just cock-like.
M&M’s? You had one job M&M’s, and that job was to not fuck up, and you did just that right here. You really had me goin with you guys with regular old peanut, and those new peanut butter pretzel jobs….what the fuck is this?
Coffee Creamer? At what point did coffee turn into milkshakes? I drink my coffee black so I could give a fuck less about this.
Pumpkin Vodka. I mean I saw this coming, but fuck it. I like my vodka cheap, charcoal filtered, and in a plastic bottle. This shit aint even for high school chicks this is some shit Ichabod Crane would slow sip.
Pumpkin dog treats? Anyone who feeds their dog this hogwash ill fucking report to animal cruelty.
Every year this shit just gets worse and worse. What’s up for next year? Pumpkin sunblock? Pumpkin Coke? Ill just stop there before some go-hard stumbles across those two an decides to have a field day next fall.
In my book of pumpkin there’s only a few fucking things that should be pumpkin involved. Beer (if its done right), Pumpkin pie, pumpkin carving, pumpkin the fuck seeds, and The Smashing Pumpkins.
Ill be sitting around this weekend suckin down pumpkin beer, choking on pumpkin seeds, and listening Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness on fuckin repeat.