Fancy ass food plating


I’m all for getting a plate of food and it lookin’ good, everything in its own place…but I’ll be honest, I’m just gonna be drunk as shit, mash everything on my plate together, slap it on a piece of bread and butter or some shit, and choke it down.


I just don’t get the whole making food look like a fucking piece of art on a plate, when all you’re going to do is gargle it down. Maybe I’m just being naive, oh wait, no I’m not, it’s food, stick a fucking fork in it, and stuff it in your pie hole.

I don’t understand spending all this money on culinary schooling, only to come out of it and make food look like a dick head on a plate, because that’s what it looks like to me. Looks like the food is looking at me saying “hey! I’m a real dickhead! Go fuck off!”

I want my to food scream “Hey! Your fat! Lets get you fuckin fatter!”

Another thing, stop sprinkling gold flakes on your fucking food. I have to imagine that it tastes like your eating a dirty penny. If you have that kind of cheddar, where you can afford to sprinkle gold on your food, you should probably be investing in other things. Like a coffin. To die in.

Keep your petite beef medallion dressed on a bed of truffled risotto drizzled with a wild mushroom balsamic reduction to your fucking self. I’m going to Wendy’s to get a shitty potato and a jr. Bacon cheese.


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