The 15 Best foods when you’re drunk.



The official unofficial official list of all the magical drunk as fuck foods. The shit that makes your alcohol poisoned heart race like Casey Anthony in a nursery.

(all the pictures in this thread…fuckin’ Google owns or some shit)


1-The Gas Station Hot Dog


Like a drunken hot dog patriarch (not really sure if that makes sense, but fuck it.). Soggy bun in one hand, hot dog that’s been rolling in place for forty minutes or four weeks in the other. You’re ready to have the best worst thing in your fuckin’ life. A good dog is a good dog, but a shitty dog is a good dog when it’s loaded with shitty toppings.

2-The Ramen Noodle

 Maruchan Ramen - Beef Flavor Noodles


The orange glow of this noodle cracker filled package is enough to sweep you off your drunken feet. Ramen tops out at about a 4 minute microwave cook time. This is good because you’re a drunk fool and the last thing you should be doing is operating a pot of boiling fuckin’ water. Hot ramen, flavor packet, hot sauce, and cheese because well, let’s face it…you’re a drunk pile of shit.

3-The Sausage Cart Guy

HotDog0186.jpg There is one in every town. A man whose tube meat handling abilities make Ron Jeremy look like Ellen Degeneres. His bait, a mountain of steaming peppers and onions, has been known to pull in customers from up to 2.6 miles away. Weather has no meaning to this guy. He’s everywhere, every time, all the time. Cheers meat man.

4-Mystery To-Go Box 


This shit could be some left over Car side to-go, dirty Chinese rice with generals chicken, or some leftover breakfast because some people are fuckin’ shitty enough to need a to-go box for eggs. The most important thing about this fuckin’ mystery meal is that it’s probably not yours and you’re probably going to eat it out of the box with your grubby mitts.

5-The Frozen Pizza 


By the time this fuckin’ thing is ready you’ve snacked your way through the kitchen and are now probably full. Stouffer’s, DiGiorno’s, it doesn’t matter. You’re about to endeavor on the longest 40-45 minutes frozen or 30-35 minutes thawed of your pathetic fuckin’ life.

Kevin James “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”


 Not something you can eat, but not bad when you’re shit housed.

6-The Family Party Food Spread


This shit on this table has generally been sitting out for a solid 14 hours. But like Deion Sanders on a punt return, you grab a grape and head for the finger sandwich fuckin end zone. With little or no regard for sanitary methods, your filthy fuckin’ mitts become a serve all spoon-tong combo. Drink in one hand, arsenal of food in the other. You are forever a food line train wreck.

7-The Fast Food Drive Through


After a long night of drinking, the only thing you should be concerned with is a long drunk drive behind the wheel of a car across town to stuff your fat fuckin’ face. At the time, you are unable to be reasoned with. You want a #7, they don’t serve that shit past 12am. You want coke, they have Pepsi. You stuff your face regardless. Congratulations, you’ve filled your next day with a stomach ache and fuckin’ regret.

8-Sliced Deli Cheese


After a long night of crushing CL Smoothes and Busch Lattes, the only way to hold onto any dignity is to lay on the kitchen floor with half a pound of L.O.L. Cheese. You have to fold the cheese twice into little fuckin’ squares, because cheese always tastes better folded.

9-Ice Cream


Whose drunk and doesn’t need a bowl? You mother fucker. Spoon swan dive into a half gallon of Chunky Monkey. One of the few foods where it’s acceptable to try and carry on a conversation with someone. Even with an ice cream tsunami rolling down your fat fuckin chin.

10-Potato Chips


Because nothing says I’m fucked up like a greasy hand and a pant leg for a napkin.



A motherland super food. Fries, curd, gravy, and choice toppings. One of the most health conscious choices, as it covers all basic food groups.

What i have done below, is created an over elaborate and completely useless poutine food pyramid to show the health benefits that poutine has to offer.




I’m not talking about Lucky and his crew of Irish orphan misfit marshmallow chasing losers. I’m talking about eggs, bacon, toast, and home fries. Generally served up by someone with little or no formal education. A person who in a few years will be replaced by a robot or a iPod Nano. Nothing says you’re drunk like a classic beginning of the day meal, at the end of your day.

13-The Food Pile


Two hot dogs, a scoop of spaghetti, four slices of ham, and a vanilla wafer. Because you give zero fucks. The best meals are impulse meals, it’s a proven fact. Grab the first four things you see and plate the fuck out of that shit. **The food will always taste better microwaved on a paper plate**

14- Gatorade


Doesn’t matter if you drink one or ten of these fuckers. These will not prevent or cure a hangover, but we still go for them and how could we not? ELECTROLYTES. The word alone sounds like a cure for the common hangover…but don’t be fooled, this shit don’t work. You know what does work for a hangover? Another fuckin’ drink. Which brings us to #15.



The only thing that needs to be in your mouth when you’re drunk, is another drink you fuckin’ party animal.

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14 thoughts on “The 15 Best foods when you’re drunk.”

  1. I was torn on reading this post. I knew it was going to be awesome, but I also knew that it was going to make me insanely hungry! I’ll suffer the hunger pangs though, because that was an awesome post. Eating breakfast when you’re drunk? Hells yes, I’ll take seconds please! And the sausage cart guy in my town knows me by name. Great work!

  2. You might want to add frozen “Banquet Fried Chicken.”
    Can’t tell you how many high dudes I saw in college come home, pull the chicken out of the freezer, microwave it for about a minute and eat frozen fried chicken.

  3. I cmne here for FOOD IDEAS YOUH FUCKS AND U GIEV ME FUCKIN.. stufF!!
    GATORADE!? I like gadotreade but FUCK GAOTRADE! Im lefrt here hunfgry and goingt o watch porn.

    WHERES the tacosBELL! FUCKIN DUDE! HOW IS THERE NO WHITE CSADTLES HERE! I…… cant believe this page.

  4. with my “cheese plate” I’m probably not the only one who also piles on pickles, summer sausage (or some other form of spiced tube meat) and crackers, or chips…. bonus points for mustard

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