Overrated Foods

Today I would like to talk about foods that are overrated. Before you jump all over my dick about these items let me explain. I’m not saying these foods are bad. In fact most of these foods are good. The problem is these foods don’t live up to the hype. Kinda like anal. You think it’s gonna be cool before you get into it, but it’s a really shitty time.

The Philadelphia Cheesesteak

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Shaved steak, shitty roll, and processed cheese fuckery. 3 basic ingredients and this soggy shit-stack thinks it deserves to be the food icon of the city of brotherly love. I don’t care if it’s from Tanya Lukes or Jenny Geno’s this sandwich is the Tim Tebow of the sandwich world. A big pile of fuck off. I know some of you are probably saying “no way man, come to Philly I’ll show you. I have the best cheesesteak spot right down the road from me” and that is where you are wrong. What you have down the street from you is an establishment so far up its own ass it can’t even come up with a good menu item.

Sushi

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How can you tell someone has eaten some sushi? Just wait they’ll fuckin’ tell you. Sushi is like the MacBook of the food world. If someone has had some, you’ll be the first to fuckin’ know. Don’t get me wrong, I love some sushi. The real problem here is that the sushi dick has been jerked a little to hard over the years. There used to be a time when sushi was viewed as a fine food. A food that most peoples pallets wouldn’t appreciate. Now there’s a sushi joint on every block and my news feed looks like a fuckin’ fish market. If you eat a piece of sushi smothered in soy sauce and wasabi it doesn’t make you a sushi lover. It makes you a shitty fucker.

Lobster

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You can put a $80 price tag on a turd it’s still a fuckin’ turd. Lobster got it’s start as prison food which makes sense to me because that’s what it tastes like….and the lobster roll is no better so don’t even fuckin’ think about it. This crummy crustacean is the Dyson Vacuum of the sea fuck floor. A bottom feeder. 110% of the time when the animal you are eating spent it’s life eating trash, that shit will taste like trash. What do you think would happened if cows spent their day eating cow shit? I’ll tell you what would happen. We wouldn’t have a Red Robin that’s for sure. Which leads me to my next overrated food fuck fest….

Red Robin

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Bottomless steak fries. The one good thing about bottomless steak fries is fuck bottomless steak fries. The burgers. I don’t know too much about the burgers. I’ve been twice and both times I should have fucked my way off across the parking lot to eat at Petco. Gourmet burgers my asspipe. Just because you put guacamole and onion strings on a burger doesn’t make that shit gourmet. It makes it gourfucked. I’d rather eat a chickpea burger with Jullian Michaels than even smell an A1 Peppercorn shit factory.

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

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Nothing positive to say about these shit turds. Strawberries alone are overrated as shit. They are usually bitter and don’t taste anything like you want them to taste. I’m not sure why these things are a huge around Valentines Day. Nothin’ to love about these fuckin’ things.

Coffee

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Fuck coffee. Every person that drinks coffee thinks they’re some sort of coffee fuckin’ go hard. They really think they know a good cup of jo. Coffee sucks and it tastes like 3 bags of shit stuffed into 1 bag of shit, which is why most of you dump 16 sugars and 3 cups of milk in it. You’re taking coffee and turning it into a milkshake. Congratulations, blow me.

Mac n’ Cheese

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Mac n’ cheese is delicious. Cheesy, gooey, melty…what’s not to be loved? The issue here is that everyone’s got a recipe and all those recipes are shit. Don’t jerk off your grandmother and try and tell me she has the best Mac n’ cheese in the world, because your grandmother is an old shit factory. Let me guess….she toasts up some bread crumbs, sprinkles it over a tray of shit noodles, some garbage cheddar cheese, and thinks she’s Rachael fuckin’ Ray. Good Mac takes time. It takes multiple cheeses. Good Mac should taste better cold than warm. If you taste your Mac cold and it tastes like a wet fart, your Mac is fucked.

Hawaiian Pizza

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I’m not really sure why a pizza with ham, pineapple, and bacon is called a Hawaiian pizza. Most of these ingredients first showed up in this world in Europe, and last time I checked…Hawaii was no where near the fuck there. This hate can actually spread to multiple pizza types. Buffalo chicken, cheeseburger, fuckin’ chicken broccoli Alfredo….fuck all that noise. Whatever happened to a little cheese, some sauce, some meat, and a veggie or two? Keep the fruit on the fuckin’ tree. Another thing, stop making pizza crust out of cauliflower. Saying the words “healthy pizza” is basically the same as saying “a good rape”.

Lasagna

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I’m not really sure if there is that much hype behind lasagna, but fuck lasagna. I mean it’s good and shit, but fuck this over-the-top cake made out of noodles and sauce.

Buffalo Wings

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Let’s end this list with a real fuckin’ downer. Buffalo Wings. Shit ton of hype here. The wing dick has officially been jerked dry. The biggest problem with Buffalo Wings….is everything. Shitty chicken wing, usually over fried, tossed in some store bought buffalo sauce served up with some shit fuck factory bottled blue cheese. Yeah some places go the extra mile and make their own sauce and dip, but they’re the1% and they don’t count. 10 cent wing night? Fuck 10 cent wing night. You know why the wings coast 10 cents? Because they usually fuckin’ suck. Don’t get me wrong love some wings. Give me 8 of these bad boys and a decent blue cheese and I’m cool as fuck with it, but I’m not gonna drive to Buffalo to suck the blue cheese man pipe dry over them. I will give credit to those who offer a shit ton of house sauces and dips, but the rest of you cooking up shitty frozen wings tossed in Franks Red Hot can go fuck a Buffalo butt.

This concludes my list of overrated foods. Did I miss something? Is there a food out there that although may be delicious, has to much fuckin’ hype behind it? Hit me up I want to hear about that shit.

21 thoughts on “Overrated Foods”

  1. Oh God. I’m cracking up.
    “gourfucked” — Genius. Adding that one to my vocabulary.
    “suck the blue cheese man pipe dry” — Hilarious. Can’t wait to visit Buffalo NY to suck one dry.
    The best cheesesteak I’ve had so far was not in Philly. Or in the state of PA. It was in KC. I’m on a mission to find one that is better. Based on your post, I may be wandering around aimlessly.
    Agree on lobster. Its the cockroach of the sea. *GROSS*
    And I always tell people I’m allergic to strawberries. Because they are disgusting.
    Never had Red Robin. Never wanted to. Never will.

  2. Yes!!! I sure as hell don’t want an easy cheese Philly. Gross!!!

    Lobster sucks, and sushi doesn’t taste like anything..and yes sushi people think they are some fancy ass city know it all.

    This is probably the best post ever!!

  3. Agreed on the Red Robin burger AND the cheese steak AND the lobster.
    We have so many sushi places in Denver now, including a rather “famous” (around here) all you can eat joint where everyone swears the sushi is quality. using the words “sushi” “buffet” and “quality” in the same sentence is just wrong.

  4. Girls seem to love strawberries but it’s too sour for my taste
    Not really overrated but don’t you notice you’ll sell 2 buck for that piece, labeled it with a French names and then bam, 10 buck.damn

  5. I tried biscotti here and there, total waste of time. Probably better if you dunk it in your coffee milkshake. But why bother?

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