DENVER, CO – America’s favorite not really that fuckin’ Mexican-Mexican food giant, Chipotle, announced earlier this week that they will be adding Pumpkin Spiced Pork to the menu as a late fall surprise.
CEO Steve Ells said “This has been in the works for a few years as attempt to get more basic bitches through the doors.”
Steve, whose forehead is the size of a fuckin’ soccer ball and probably has to wipe the sweat away with both hands, also had this to say:
“I want all basic bitches and pumpkin spicers alike to not only enjoy our mediocre unauthentic Mexican food, but have the option of adding a festive pumpkin flavor to their meal. I think it’s important for young women in this country to be able to pumpkin flavor the shit out of something that should not be pumpkin flavored the shit out of. Going forward we are also looking to add a gingerbread spiced rice, and an egg nog salsa, but we’ll look at the numbers after the pumpkin spice season has ended”
A Chiptole rep had the following to say about Steve:
“Yeah. Steve’s a great guy. Just really loves basic bitches. The Chipotle in my town has like four Jessica’s and half a dozen Brittany’s working there. It’s great if you like the smell of yoga pants and North Face with your soft corn tacos”