SANTA MONICA, CA – Law enforcement sources report that famed Food Network star, Guy Fieri, was arrested late last week following a series of alcohol fueled events that took place inside of a TGI Fridays.
Representative from the Guy Fieri camp failed to email us back or return our phone calls. We were however able to speak with a few employees and restaurant patrons about the arrest:
“He came in with his family asking for the table closest to the door. We had no idea it was so he could drunkenly blubber ‘SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!’ at every new set of diners coming through the door.” Says door greeter Tiffany Andrews
“We let him into the kitchen, because well, it’s Guy Fieri. Even if we didn’t let him in he was probably going to waltz in anyways.” says Chef Rocky Dennis. “At first I thought, cool! Guy Fieri is here and he’s going to taste my cooking! But all he did was stick his finger in every plate that came off the line for a taste. At one point he looked over at me and said ‘I’m fuckin’ out of bounds right now and fuckin’ lovin’ it.'”
Things escalated when the cooks failed to correctly sizzle his Sizzling Chicken & Shrimp to his specification.
He then spun his shirt around to match up with the sunglasses he keeps on the back of his head and ran backwards up and down the bar area screaming “I’m the king of flavor-the-fuck town”
“When the cops showed up he was laying on the bar trying to get my wife to take a body shot off of him. He was completely shaven and he’s got a tattoo of a club sandwich on his chest. It was so weird” says regular, Tim Roberts
The officers were eventually able to detain Fieri after a brief scuffle with the shirtless shaved chef.
[*if you read this and believe it fuck you.]