[NEWS] Thousands Infected: Linked to Dozens of Fast-Food Restaurants

Thousands of people across dozens of states have been subjected to the fast food related bowel complication that is “The Shits”.

The Shits, also know as Spray Fart Syndrome and Mud Butt, is most commonly associated with the consumption of various dollar / value menu items at a wide variety of fast food establishments.

Commonly starting as a light case of “bubble guts”, The Shits goes zero to one hundred real quick, sometimes even skipping the pre-shit warning pains and jumping right to “I’m gonna dump in my fucking pants”

Thousand of cases are reported daily. Common signs you may be suffering from The Shits are:

•green apple splatters
•Hershey squirts
•ancient toilet markings on your toilet
•chicken broth toilet water
•raw a dirt-button

Symptoms are generally enhanced with the consumption of low alcohol-high water content beers, thus creating: Beer Shits.

While there is said to be no real cure for either strains of ‘Shits’, it’s common practice to post yourself on a throne and paint your toilet multiple times a day until your squeeze out a decent log.

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