Italians don’t know shit about Pasta.
For this weeks recipe I wanted to take pasta for a walk down Please Squat on My Face Boulevard. Some heat. Some meat. Some cheese. The holy trinity of get the fuck in my mouth.
UNOs Pizzeria & Grill offers up a rattlesnake pasta of their own. I’ve never had it but judging from the pictures I’ve seen I can only imagine it tasting the way a library card catalog smells.
I wanted to take their version and face-fuck it into oblivion. I wanted more meat. More cheese. More heat. I also wanted to serve it up as a bake instead of your classic pile of pasta on a plate.
The first step is to season the water you’ll be boiling your pasta in. You can do this with a variety of spices. I took it to a dickheaded level and seasoned my water with fucking hot sauce like a savage. You can cook the pasta ahead of time since most of our focus will be on building the legit as fuck sauce.
Cook your bacon in a large cast iron – or large oven safe skillet – on MED-HIGH heat. You’re going to want a big ‘ol fucker since this is a 1 dish fuck-fest. Once there bacon is cooked you’re going to cook your steak directly in the bacon grease like a fucking animal.
No you’re just looking to basically sear the steaks. You don’t want to completely cook them since they will be going into the oven. Cook the garlic in the now steak & bacon grease until your kitchen smells like two Italians fuckin’ in the back of an Olive Garden. Add your 4 TBL of butter and slowly mix in your 1/4 Cup of flour. Congratulations. You’re building a legit as fuck roux.
Once the roux has browned up a bit add 1 Cup of milk and 1 Cup half & half. Stir that shit until it’s thicker than the ugly kardashian. Add all of your cheeses and stir until melted.
Once the cheese is nice and melted its time to get everyone in the fucking pot. Stir until well blended, top with bacon & jalapeño and bake at 400 for 15-20 minutes. Enjoy, you posers.