Bloody Mary Pickle Shooter

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If you ask me, Bloody Mary’s and pickles go together like Oscar Pistorius and Ozzy Osbourne’s 1986 hit song “Shot in the Dark”. I mean I’m not here to point fingers or nubbed legs but for fucks sake who the fuck opens up fire in a dark fucking room?

Ok…let me catch myself before I get too far off the sprint track.

The Pickle-Mary. Swamp Things Blood Hole. My Dilly Vodka Pipe.

There are a number of things you could call this creation. A waste of time would be most fitting.

Like why couldn’t you just either have a Bloody Mary with a pickle in it, or just chase a shot of vodka with pickle juice?

BECAUSE WE (I) HERE AT THEVULGARCHEF.COM REALLY LIKE TO FUCK IT UP.

The most difficult thing with this creation is finding a legit as fuck pickle to work with. Once you have that knocked out the rest is a walk in the park. Vodka, Bloody Mary mix, celery salt, pepper, and bacon crumbles. The nice thing about this other than that it’s A SHOT OF BOOZE YOU TAKE OUT OF A PICKLE is that you can refill the little cucumber cunt multiple times, and when you’re done just chomp on the fucker.

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Twix & Oreo Shot Glasses

There are two types of people in this world. People who like Twix and people who can just go fly a fucking kite.

Inspired by my good friend Amy, of Oh, Bite IT! and her Snickers Shot Glasses, and my good friend at throughtheyesofmybelly.com‘s Bacon Chocolate Shot Glasses, I decided some fucking Twix shot glasses needed to happen.

Cut a red SOLO cup up from the bottom where that little fucking line is. Drop in an Oreo and pack in some mini Twix around it. Melt some chocolate and spread it around like a greasy asshole. Freeze for 15 minutes and give another chocolate coating. Fill with vodka, milk, and KahlĂșa.

 

“This shit is chess it ain’t checkers”

 

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PBR Battered Cheese Bites w/ PBR Cheese & Bacon Dipping Sauce

So the Foodbeast fam got in touch with me a few weeks ago and said “Hey, bet you can’t make a recipe with PBR you fucking narb” and I was like “You’re probably right because I’m drunk and high right now”

So I waited until I was not drunk and high and made these PBR battered cheddar bites and PBR cheese & bacon dipping sauce to go with them.

 

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Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Bloody Mary

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“A man is only as strong as the Bloody Mary he makes…so make a fucking stiffy.”Ghandi, Marilyn Monroe & Princess Diana 

The Bloody Mary. The international “I’m not a drunk but I want to get drunk at 8am” cocktail to end your hangover and set you up for a day of hard boozing.

I pride myself on my Mary. I have a Bloody Mary Kit* that I carry around with me during the holidays to ensure my family is drunk before noon.

*Bloody Mary Kit: a reusable grocery bag full of Bloody Mary essentials.

If you’re a real cock in the ass you’ll use some bullshit store bought mix. While there are some really good mixes out there, show your family how much of a Bloody Mary go hard you are by making your own mix.

I like to use V8. Tons of flavor with the juice itself before adding anything. If you’re a cunt, you’ll use tomato juice.

As far as ingredients go, the basics are pepper, horseradish, Tabasco, Worcestershire and celery salt. Normally garnished with celery and a few lemon and lime wedges.

That’s cool and all, but a good Mary should be half drink half nutritional breakfast in my eyes. Pickles, olives, bacon, a rotisserie chicken…you need garnishes you can snack on while you drink. Not some fuckin stalk of vegetable and a lemon.

Contrary to what Ghandi, Marilyn Monroe, and Princess Diana say, while the Mary should be stiff, I think it’s best not to take away from the deliciousness of the mix that you’ve made with too much vodka, which is why I normally fill the glass halfway with booze.

Check the video below to see the formula I went with for this Thanksgiving.