This week we’re taking the bacon weave to new heights. Not only are we going to make a pizza ‘crust’ out of bacon, we’re going to make two bacon pizza crusts, put a nice cheesy loaded scrambled egg blend (BECAUSE ITS 2018 AND MAC AND CHEESE IS OUT) between them and top that shit with some more breakfast suspects.
The first step is to make yourself a few bacon weaves. Its going to take about 2lbs of bacon in total to knock this fucker out. Make sure you get yourself some decent bacon. You can get thick cut but you’ll end up with a smaller end product.
Now you can go one of two ways here – You can make 2 decent sized crusts for 1 decent sized breakfast pizza, or you can make four smaller crusts for two smaller pizzas. That decision is up to you.
Once you have your bacon weave crusts cooked all you have left to do is build. You could stuff the crusts with cheesy home fries, a blend of breakfast meats, maybe stick a big waffle in there. You have to be a thinker here. Don’t be a fucking generic Eric. Make something official.
I think the nice thing about this breakfast lasagna is that it’s breakfast but in the form of lasagna.
First make your pancake interleaves. Get yourself a baking dish – preferably square. Grease that bad Larry up Drop in 1 /12 Cups of pancake batter and bake at 450° for 5 minutes.
I’m not sure why I took a picture of these potatoes. I’m not sure what I even put on them. I DO know that I baked myself – followed by the potatoes – for 20 minutes so atleast I have that going for me. (salt, pepper, Old Bay, vegetable oil, and oregano were some of the spices on the potatoes)
There are a variety of styles out there when it comes to jalapeño popper hot dogs. There are hot dogs topped with all of your usual jalapeño popper suspects. There are hot dogs topped with straight up jalapeño poppers. There’s the albino jalapeño popper dog my uncle used to serve up in his basement puzzle dungeon, and If you’re my good pal, Dan, From thefoodinmybeard.com your jalapeño popper hot dog comes with the hot dog inside of the jalapeño.
This recipe was actually set up to be the weeks SundayFunday video until I realized – other than looks – there was really nothing extreme enough to me to turn out a video for the recipe, so I figured a shot fucking blog post should do it.
I thought it would be cool to dress the buns up like a white trash cheese bread, pin some jalapeños to the dogs with toothpicks and spiral wrap some bacon around them. That’s it. All the fundamentals of a jalapeño popper served up on a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog. (I obviously had to go with Nathan’s being that it was the 4th of July and that’s when Nathan’s hot dog eating competition goes down)
The first step is to pin the jalapeños and bacon to the dogs. I sliced the bacon in half the long way to double my bacon stock. What I really should have done is spiraled the bacon up one way and back down in the opposite direction making some sort of fuckin bacon braid.
Throw together your bun-spread. Cream cheese, shredded cheddar and some cooked bacon because why the fuck not.
Now its time to get everything on the grill. Cook both the dogs and buns over indirect heat. I cooked the dogs first and when they looked to be about done I tossed on the buns. I hit the buns with a quick blow torch because America.
Hope you guys enjoyed this recipe but in the event that you didn’t you can kindly fuck off.
These buffalo chicken mac stuffed grillin’ taters are so easy that even if your everyday outfit includes a helmet and velcro shoes you should be able to knock this one out.
The whole operation can pretty much go down right at your fucking grill, which is nice because…well…that’s the point of grilling.
You may have seen similar recipes from the cunts at Buzzfeed or their Tasty platform or maybe even some random BBQ channel (these would be great on the smoker) on the ol’ YouTube….so we’re not exactly breaking new ground here. I even did something similar myself for the folks at Twisted a few months back when they sent me their cookbook.
The first step in this cluster fuck of an operation is to grill some buffalo-style chicken. Marinate the chicken in a generic hot sauce. I use Trappys. Toss the chicken on the grill and brush with with a 50/50 combo marinade made out of melted butter and more generic hot sauce.
Build yourself a trashbag mac the fuck cheese. Whenever I’m doing a recipe like this I like to grab one of those microwaveable macaroni and cheese dishes. NOT A FUCKING FROZEN ONE. Country Crock makes one as well as a few other brands. These are nice for a mac the fuck cheese on the fly because they’re easy to doctor up. All I added to this was an entire block of sharp cheddar(shredded) and the chopped up buffalo chicken tenders – which I could have chopped up a bit more so it was more present throughout the mac the fuck cheese.
Getting your potatoes ready is pretty self explanatory based on the fucking photo – but if you’re a window licker here you go:
-cut cooked potatoes
-cut bottom of the potatoes slightly so it can stand on its own
-wrap with bacon
-season with salt and pep.
You can do whatever the fuck you want with the potato guts. I like to hold on to them just in case you hollow out the potato too much and end up with a hole on the bottom. The potato guts make a great starchy bandaid for this.
Cooking them is easier than a Kardashian in an NBA locker room. Fill the potatoes with the mac the fuck cheese. Pack the mac in nice and tight. The pièce de résistance is the ice cream scooper-scoop on top. That’s what’s selling this whole fucking thing.
Set your grill to LOW. These are a low-and-slow operation. You don’t want the potato to burn before the bacon is cooked. You might have to play around on your grill, moving the potatoes in and out of direct heat until you find a good heat zone. Once you locate a good cook spot on the grill close the grill and fuck off, and I mean like…fuck off. Don’t open the grill for a while (15 minutes). You need the heat that’s in the grill to cook the bacon. If you tried to cook these with the grill open you would end up with raw bacon on top and burnt bacon towards the bottom.
When they’re done remove them and garnish with sour cream, green onion, bacon, jalapeños, spices – whatever your little hearts desire. The sour cream and green onion combo was a hit for me.
What we’re doing here today is a little something I like to call cooking a burger like a fucking champion.
I stumbled across a photo recently of a bacon wrapped burger (done up the same way you’ll see here) only it was filled with cheese. I was going to do one filled with French onion soup until a craving for scallops stage dived into my egg shaped fuck of a head.
The execution is simple. Burger bowl. Wrap with bacon. Season. Grill & fill.
Get yourself some fresh ground beef. I used 90/10 so it’s a little more lean than the 80/20 I would normally use. Form a decent patty and press the middle out to make a “bowl”. I used the bottom of a mug to help with this. You want to get in there with your phalanges and form it well. Wrap a slice of bacon around it and stick a toothpick in’er. Season the fuck out of it with some Old Bay before dropping on your grill.
You’re kind of fucked here if you’re looking for a medium/rare burger since you want the bacon to cook. You could always pre-cook the bacon a bit, that’s not how I fucking roll.
Once the bacon was cooked I flipped the burger over for just a couple of minute to add a char to the top side.
In a small cast iron pan I cooked the scallops with a little seasoning. I was originally was going to stick bacon wrapped scallops on/in the burger but I had a feeling I wouldn’t have that kind of meat-based real estate…and boy was I fucking right.
I spooned some sort of Cajun sauce in the burger. I’m not totally sure what the fuck it was since it was just some leftover sauce that came with some crab cakes I purchased. Stick as many scallops as you can comfortably fit in your burger bowl.
My last little trick was the bun. I spread a thin layer of mayo on the buns and seasoned them with more Old Bay before crisping them up on the grill.
There’s not much I would change with this sick as a bitch burger. You could raw dog it without the lettuce and tomato if you went heavier on the Cajun sauce. You need something. I avoided cheese because for some reason the thought of cheesy scallops made my dick shrivel like I was on an adderall bender. You could also season the scallops differently, maybe with a decent blackening spice.
The nicest thing about this whole operation is having the scallops sitting inside of the burger. When you take a bite they don’t go spilling over the sides like my fucking fat muffin top does over my jeans.
The taco pocket may not be the hero we need but it sure as hell is the hero we need.
This is honestly a terrible, lazy and sad attempt for a Sunday Funday video…but it also has not been done before and that’s usually what I’m shooting for. Every week I try to do something that hasn’t been done. I try to avoid doing a play on someone else’s recipe…we save that shit for the Mid-Week Stretch videos (which I haven’t done in months). So even if we’re lacking in the creativity department from time to time I try to bring you cunts something that hasn’t been done.
The taco pocket is simple pocket. Two tacos shells married together, wrapped with bacon and then stuffed with your typical white-America taco fillings. Most people don’t consider these tacos because it’s not a soft flour or corn tortilla filled with fresh fixings and/or slow cooked tough cuts of meat. Every time I post something like this there is an abundance of hipster cunts there to let me know that “that’s not a real taco”. I know this because I’ve posted a lot of taco content and I hear it every fucking time.
I don’t fucking care.
I love tacos. Everyone should love tacos. Everyone should love all forms of tacos. I like to use this style of taco shell more often because they’re statistically trashier then other forms of taco shells and that’s what I’m all about.
Making these is a breeze. All you’re really doing is locking some shells together and securing them with bacon.
A lot of people were wondering why I didn’t wrap the bacon all the way up the shells.
Because I didn’t.
I was also asked a lot why I didn’t just bake them? Why did I cook them in a frying pan?
Because the shells would have cooked and burned before the bacon was even close to being complete cooked, stupid.
All I was looking to do was create a large void to fill within some taco shells and I think I hit the fuckin male g-spot of the taco world.