I’ve ben know to be a bit of a corndogger. No, I’m not talking about the same corndogging Elton John or Rob Halford are familiar with. (see corn dogging definition)
Nothing against my gay male fams…but fuck, even for me corndogging is extreme as fuck.
What I meant about me being a bit of a corndogger (I can’t even say it now without getting a fucking visual) was that I’ve fucked around with some corn dogs.
This blog post really isn’t coming together like I thought it would….
There’s my red velvet corn dog, where I coated a cheap as fuck hot dogs with a 50/50 corn dog-red velvet batter combo. There’s also my blueberry sausage corn dogs, and lastly, my Doritos crusted corn dog grilled cheese…because who wants to live to see 35 anyways?
In my most recent of Google image prowling it came to my attention that there really hasn’t been a triple hot dog corn dog, let alone a triple jalapeño cheddar bacon wrapped hot dog-corn dog.
SO HERE THE FUCK WE GO.
We’ve all seen them. Bacon wrapped mozzarella sticks. I’ve even had bacon wrapped mozzarella sticks with a few jalapeños tucked under the fucking bacon which was L.A.F. (legit as fuck for those of you just joining us)
But why not more mozzarella sticks? Better yet…why not FOUR mozzarella sticks?
1 Slice of bacon per 4 mozzarella sticks. Thats it. That’s all you need. The mozzarella sticks are cooked with the bacon from frozen. If you try to use thawed or leftover mozzarella sticks you’re going to have a fucking blowout.
The trick is to cook them on MED-HIGH heat. You want the bacon to cook before the mozzarella has a chance to ejaculate out of its vessel.
Head on down to your local Wendy’s hot spot and get buck fuckin’ wild in your kitchen tonight!
So the Foodbeast fam got in touch with me a few weeks ago and said “Hey, bet you can’t make a recipe with PBR you fucking narb” and I was like “You’re probably right because I’m drunk and high right now”
So I waited until I was not drunk and high and made these PBR battered cheddar bites and PBR cheese & bacon dipping sauce to go with them.
Cheesy Cheetos Meatballs may not be the meatballs we deserve, but they’re the meatballs we fucking deserve.
I have this recurring dream where I bread everything with Cheetos instead of breadcrumbs. When I wake from this dream I realize it isn’t really a dreams at all, its just reality, because using Cheetos instead of breadcrumbs is what our forefathers would have fucking wanted.
This recipe is actually a spawn of a Flamin’ Hot Mac the Fuck Cheese Meatball recipe that I had backed out on:
1: Because I forgot about it until now
2: Because I felt as if I was jerking the Flamin’ Hot/Mac the fuck Cheese dick a little much
3: Because I do what the fuck I want.
But the past is the past, the future is now, and the present doesn’t matter.
Which leaves us here with Cheesy Cheetos Meatballs…which were made into a Cheesy Cheetos Meatball Cheesy Cheetos Grilled Cheese, and eventually finished off as a Cheesy Cheesy Meatball Deep Fried Cheetos Crusted Cheesy Cheetos Grilled Cheese. ENJOY!
It’s soda-not pop, it’s a packy-not a liquor story, and it’s a grinder-not a fuckin’ hero, sub, wedge, or hoagie
At least if you’re from New England….
I love grinders and my stretch marks tell that story for me. It’s like each small tear in the skin on my love handles tells a story of mayonnaise, cheese, and various piled high cold cuts. They also tell the story of 8.0% beers, ice cream, chips, no exercise, naps, soda, and zero fucks.
The cheeseburger grinder is the unscheduled-surprise mustache ride of the grinder world…legit as fuck.
I wanted to take the cheeseburger to the next level. We’ve seen french fry buns from DudeFoods, and we’ve seen my burger encased in a “fry bomb”, so naturally a grinder was next on the chopping block.
The fries are prepared pretty much the same way I prepared them with the burger bomb. Nuke some frozen fries in the microwave until they’re soggy, mix with cheese, and form into whatever the fuck you want. Next week I’m going to make a Kardashian out of fries and hate fuck it for a while.
Deep frying fast food is a surefire way to clear up any blockage you might be having in your anal department. We’ve seen the deep fried Big Mac. We’ve seen deep fried Cheeseburger Chips. Shit, I even deep fried a McGangbang just for the fuck of it.
Which led me to create this pile of fucking shit. Cheetos Flamin’ Hot BAKED Whopper chips. Not my most creative work, but delicious none the less. My suggestion to anyone who constantly breads things with…well..bread, is to make the permanent switch to Cheetos crumbs. I know I’ve beaten the Flamin’ Hot dick dry, but its what I do. I beat dicks dry. Not like…beating a dick without any lube..but like…beating a dick until nothing else comes out.
Execution is simple. Get a whopper…bread with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos…and bake. Dip in ketchup like a real man. AND…if you’re a REAL man, you’ll get two Whoppers, bread and deep-the-fuck-fry a whole one just to show the world the amount of fuck you don’t give.