S’moresapeño

web time

You go hard in the paint?

I paint hard in your chick.

She wants this Canadian man dime,

Not some pre-cummy dick.

Get it? Like my dick is the paintbrush, and my man sauce is the paint, and I bust in your girl. 

I don’t know. I’ve been rapping in my head a lot and that line just stuck with me. I wouldn’t fuck your chick because I prefer to only enter my wife.

Here’s one for all the dickheads out there. This ain’t some amateur hour shit. Your pallet has to be on fucking point to enjoy this shit. You have to be a fan of jalapeños, cocks, fluff, dicks, graham crackers, penis parties, chocolate, and chocolate covered cocks.

If you’ve never had fluff, I encourage you to go out, purchase a tub of it, shot up to your parents and make your father watch you fuck your mother for raising you without fluff in your life.

The jalapeños maintain a good crunch which kind of fucking bothered me at first, but I pulled my dick out of the sand and manned the fuck up. Although, next time I would roast the jalapeños over an open flame and remove the skin to give the jalapeños the flaccid dick treatment. I would flaccidize them. The flaccification would be great. Are these flaccid jokes hitting anyone’s soft spot? 

Check out the video and hit the fucking subscribe button.

#DEEPFryday – Graham Cracker Chocolate Chip Pancakes

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Shoutout to my new post I’ll be doing every Friday, called #DEEPFryday. Every Friday I’ll be posting a new blog post and video featuring some food cooked in my crusty fucking deep fryer. 

Up to kick this bitch off is a stack of chocolate chip pancakes ,crusted with some crushed the fuck up graham crackers. Yeah, deep fried pancakes are out there on the web, but why hasn’t anyone just deep fried a whole fucking stack? I’ll tell you why. Because I’m the one with the cock to do so.

I got myself turnt on those freezer section pancakes in a box and I can’t get un-turnt from em’. 

These fuck cakes come 3 to a pack, so I used two packs, because that’s pretty much what will fit in your mom, and my fryer. I thought about making my own pancakes but I don’t have the fucking patience to use a spatula.

Watch the video below and subscribe to  get yourself learnt as fuck.

 

 

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Bacon & Chocolate Rice Krispies Treats

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Here’s an easy one. All you need is bacon, chocolate, and Rice Krispies Treats. I went with just the store bought treats because I don’t really have time to sit around and watch marshmallows fucking melt. I guess if you’re a real go hard you can make your own.

It might have been more beneficial to make my own, or at least use bigger treats. I tried a couple of the treats with one slice of bacon but they really wanted to fucking melt, so two slices was the way to go. After I cooked the bacon I stuck them in the fridge for a while so the marshmallow wouldn’t be so cummy. Melt some chocolate, dip them in, and let them cool off in the fridge.

 

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Peanut Butter Stuffed Cocoa Pebble Balls

Because if I have to see one more hash brown inspired food video I’m literally going to fucking cut my cock off.

The recipe is simple, even if you’re a fucking dickhead. Just follow your classic Rice Krispies Treats recipe, freeze some peanut butter in ice cube trays (shoutout DudeFoods) and stuff it in the middle of some warm ass Cocoa Pebbles. I was going to do the same with Fruity Pebbles and fill the center with Dippin’ Dots, but they melted in my fucking mouth before I could complete this.

 

Fucking Tip* – Spray your hands with some cooking spray to prevent sticking.

 

 

 

 

Choco Taco Ice Cream Sandwich

The Choco Taco is an American staple. Almost as American as the American flag itself, and I say that as an American, living in America, having grown up seeing a lot of American flags in America.

What’s more American than an American living in America seeing American shit every day? A Choco Taco Ice cream sandwich. Everything about this bitch screams America. The ingenuity, the level of focus and concentration it takes to construct such a masterpiece.

Just kidding. I’m stoned and I have things in my freezer.

 

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Red Velvet Oreo Cheesecake

Take your shitty graham cracker crust, and shove it straight up your candy ass.

 

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This cheesecake is a real fucking banger. I was worried that maybe the Oreo’s wouldn’t hold up for a crust but thats just because I’m a fucking loser. All I did was crushed up some Oreo’s in a freezer bag and mix them with butter. The rest is fucking history.

 

WILL MAKE TWO CHEESE FUCK YOU CAKES

-2 8oz cream cheese (room temp)

3/4 cup sugar

-3 eggs

-16 oz sour cream

-4 packages red velvet Oreo’s (10 oz packeges)

-1 stick melted butter

 

 

FOR THE FILLING

Mix the sour cream and cream cheese together until smooth. Slowly add in the sugar. Once smooth add eggs one at a time. Once eggs have been added go fuck yourself.

 

FOR THE CRUST

Plance Oreo’s in freezer bag and Hulk smash. Mix with melted butter and form in Pie pans. Bake at 325 for 40 minutes. Let cool at room temperature for 30 minutes before placing in the fridge. After placing in the fridge, go fuck yourself again. 

 

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