Fast Food Pizza

Today we’re celebrating National Drive Through Day, because in America everything deserves a day of cele’fuckin’bration.

I’ve been wanting to do a fast food pizza for a while, but  shied away from it because I didn’t want to seem like I was stepping on Epic Mealtime’s toes. 

But I figured fuck it. 

I hit all the local fast food spots in my town, which there are only fucking 4 of. Is that not fucking depressing? McDonald’s, BK, Taco Bell, and KFC. I literally had to drive 20 minutes just to get the Wendy’s chili. That’s it. No Sonic. No Chik-fil-A. Not even a fucking Arby’s.

I always had this idea that if I struck it rich I would build a spot called Fast Food Alley, a mile long strip with all the fucking top dog fast food chains. McDonald’s, Arby’s, BK, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, White Castle, Subway, Checkers, Bo Jangles, Church’s Chicken, In-n-Out, Whataburger, Roy Rogers, Sonic, Dominos, Pizza Hut, Dairy Queen, Hardee’s, Steak n’ Shake, Waffle House, Fatburger, Chipotle, Shake Shack, hell, I’d even build a Little Caesars and just make t one giant fucking toilet.

Anyways, for today’s recipe I built a simple day food pizza. BK Fries for the dough, Wendy’s chili for the sauce, KFC Mac the fuck cheese for…well…the cheese, and various chicken nugget-fiesta potato-onion ring toppings. 

“Cardiac Arrest Pizza”

Hope you guys enjoy!

Big Mac Egg Rolls

I’m not really sure what the exact blend of neighborhood cat your local Chinese spot uses for their spring or egg rolls to fill these dog shit-esque fried logs, but I can assure you this…

EGG ROLLS FUCKING SUCK.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about the legit as fuck rolls being made by a 140 year old grandmother in a 4 foot by 4 foot closet in the back of your local Vietnamese spot. I’m talking about the cat dander filled shit rolls made by PF Change down the street at your local Pu Pu Cat Wok.

The best way to avoid choking on your neighbors cat is to make your own rolls and fill them with a fucking number one. Thats right. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and fuck the sesame seed bun.

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[HOT TO] Flamin’ Hot Whopper Chips

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Deep frying fast food is a surefire way to clear up any blockage you might be having in your anal department. We’ve seen the deep fried Big MacWe’ve seen deep fried Cheeseburger Chips. Shit, I even deep fried a McGangbang just for the fuck of it.

Which led me to create this pile of fucking shit. Cheetos Flamin’ Hot BAKED Whopper chips. Not my most creative work, but delicious none the less. My suggestion to anyone who constantly breads things with…well..bread, is to make the permanent switch to Cheetos crumbs. I know I’ve beaten the Flamin’ Hot dick dry, but its what I do. I beat dicks dry. Not like…beating a dick without any lube..but like…beating a dick until nothing else comes out.

Execution is simple. Get a whopper…bread with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos…and bake. Dip in ketchup like a real man. AND…if you’re a REAL man, you’ll get two Whoppers, bread and deep-the-fuck-fry a whole one just to show the world the amount of fuck you don’t give.

 

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Deep Fried McGangBang

For this bitch I had to snag a page out of the Peep My Eats playbook. Instead of deep frying a Big Mac, I went for the fucking jugular.



Grabbed a McGangBang and throat fucked the living shit out of that little dick hole. Just when you think McDonald’s can’t get any better, you fucking deep fry something like this.

For the record this is the second one I made this week. I chose not to make a video because I don’t fucking care. Skewer a McGangBang, dip in egg wash, into some bread crumbs, back into the egg wash, and finally back into the bread crumbs. Deep fry for like 3 shakes of a fucking lambs cunt.



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Animal Fry Grilled Cheese

The best thing about living on the east coast is that I don’t live in fucking California. Sometimes I flush my toilet and let my water run just for the fuck of it. Yeah I have some boys out there I got mad love for, but if I can’t step outside turn my hose on and wash my driveway…..well fuck me.
….But the cocks ain’t always bigger on the other side of the fence.

The worst thing about living on the east coast is that we don’t have a fucking In-n-Out. I mean, like, not for thousands of fucking miles. So I have to adapt. I have to animal style the fuck out of shit myself.

Which led me to this Animal Style Grilled cheese.