Jalapeño Popper Dogs

There are a variety of styles out there when it comes to jalapeño popper hot dogs. There are hot dogs topped with all of your usual jalapeño popper suspects. There are hot dogs topped with straight up jalapeño poppers. There’s the albino jalapeño popper dog my uncle used to serve up in his basement puzzle dungeon, and If you’re my good pal, Dan, From thefoodinmybeard.com your jalapeño popper hot dog comes with the hot dog inside of the jalapeño.

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This recipe was actually set up to be the weeks SundayFunday video until I realized – other than looks – there was really nothing extreme enough to me to turn out a video for the recipe, so I figured a shot fucking blog post should do it.

I thought it would be cool to dress the buns up like a white trash cheese bread, pin some jalapeños to the dogs with toothpicks and spiral wrap some bacon around them. That’s it. All the fundamentals of a jalapeño popper served up on a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog. (I obviously had to go with Nathan’s being that it was the 4th of July and that’s when Nathan’s hot dog eating competition goes down)

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The first step is to pin the jalapeños and bacon to the dogs. I sliced the bacon in half the long way to double my bacon stock. What I really should have done is spiraled the bacon up one way and back down in the opposite direction making some sort of fuckin bacon braid.

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Throw together your bun-spread. Cream cheese, shredded cheddar and some cooked bacon because why the fuck not.

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Now its time to get everything on the grill. Cook both the dogs and buns over indirect heat. I cooked the dogs first and when they looked to be about done I tossed on the buns. I hit the buns with a quick blow torch because America.

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Hope you guys enjoyed this recipe but in the event that you didn’t you can kindly fuck off.

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Buffalo Chicken Mac ‘n Cheese Stuffed Potato Bombs

These buffalo chicken mac stuffed grillin’ taters are so easy that even if your everyday outfit includes a helmet and velcro shoes you should be able to knock this one out.

The whole operation can pretty much go down right at your fucking grill, which is nice because…well…that’s the point of grilling.

You may have seen similar recipes from the cunts at Buzzfeed or their Tasty platform or maybe even some random BBQ channel (these would be great on the smoker) on the ol’ YouTube….so we’re not exactly breaking new ground here. I even did something similar myself for the folks at Twisted a few months back when they sent me their cookbook.

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The first step in this cluster fuck of an operation is to grill some buffalo-style chicken. Marinate the chicken in a generic hot sauce. I use Trappys. Toss the chicken on the grill and brush with with a 50/50 combo marinade made out of melted butter and more generic hot sauce.

Build yourself a trashbag mac the fuck cheese. Whenever I’m doing a recipe like this I like to grab one of those microwaveable macaroni and cheese dishes. NOT A FUCKING FROZEN ONE. Country Crock makes one as well as a few other brands. These are nice for a mac the fuck cheese on the fly because they’re easy to doctor up. All I added to this was an entire block of sharp cheddar(shredded) and the chopped up buffalo chicken tenders – which I could have chopped up a bit more so it was more present throughout the mac the fuck cheese.

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Getting your potatoes ready is pretty self explanatory based on the fucking photo – but if you’re a window licker here you go:

-cook potatoes

-cut cooked potatoes

-hollow potatoes

-cut bottom of the potatoes slightly so it can stand on its own

-wrap with bacon

-season with salt and pep.

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You can do whatever the fuck you want with the potato guts. I like to hold on to them just in case you hollow out the potato too much and end up with a hole on the bottom. The potato guts make a great starchy bandaid for this.


Cooking them is easier than a Kardashian in an NBA locker room. Fill the potatoes with the mac the fuck cheese. Pack the mac in nice and tight. The pièce de résistance is the ice cream scooper-scoop on top. That’s what’s selling this whole fucking thing.

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Set your grill to LOW. These are a low-and-slow operation. You don’t want the potato to burn before the bacon is cooked. You might have to play around on your grill, moving the potatoes in and out of direct heat until you find a good heat zone. Once you locate a good cook spot on the grill close the grill and fuck off, and I mean like…fuck off. Don’t open the grill for a while (15 minutes). You need the heat that’s in the grill to cook the bacon. If you tried to cook these with the grill open you would end up with raw bacon on top and burnt bacon towards the bottom.

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When they’re done remove them and garnish with sour cream, green onion, bacon, jalapeños, spices – whatever your little hearts desire. The sour cream and green onion combo was a hit for me.

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Lasagna Taco

The Lasagna Taco may not be the taco we need, but it most certainly is the taco we deserve.

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I’m not going to sit here and toot my taco-horn – but I’ve fucked up some shit in the taco world. We all have our talents. Some of us are great photographers. Some of us are great athletes. Some of us can twerk on a dick so well that you cause someone to lose their load in 3.6 seconds. Whatever talent-card life has dealt you just do what you do best.

For me that talent-card is turning foods into tacos that don’t necessarily need to be turned into tacos. (or do they…..)

This is actually something I’ve been working on for a few years. Yeah. Working on a taco…for a few years…I just said that. Constantly running into the issue of how to form a taco “shell” and have it look….lasagna-y?

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After numerous failed attempts I finally nailed this fucker. Some mafalda noodles – little egg wash – and some shredded cheese. Thats its. Thats all you need to make this abomination.

 

 

How Legit Is Your Wendy’s Baked Potato?

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How Legit Is Your Wendy’s Baked Potato Game?

The answer: not fucking legit.



One of my favorite things to do is hit the ol’ drive through window, grab a couple rando’s off the menu and make some sort of edible cardiac arrest.

According to my mad Google skills this Sunday is National Drive Thorough Day, which naturally sent me in the direction of the nearest drive through so I could try and get the creative juices flowing for you guys, and this weeks Sunday-Funday video.



This isn’t my first time throwing down with Wendy Thomas and her fucking spuds, are certainly won’t be the last.

Did Wrigley Field & The Cubs Jack My Deep Dish Chicago Dog Pizza Idea?

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It’s been a rough month for ol’ Kyle and his turd pipe over here. First, Burger King bends me over and gives the me ol’ ‘bite the pillow we’re going in dry’ when they dropped their Cheetos Mac & Cheese….whatever the fuck they are…a YEAR after I dropped the same fucking thing…and now the Cubs want to run a train on ol’ KyKy because they haven’t won a World Series in about 300 years and are looking to pull out a fucking “W”.

According to Eater Chicago, NBC Chicago, Sports Illustrated, ThePostGame, USA Today, AOL, and a handful of other cunts, this years main attraction at Wrigley Field – other than watching the train wreck that is the Cubs franchise – will be none other than a Deep Dish Chicago Dog Pizza….a recipe I dropped a month and a half ago.

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First we have to simply ask ourselves: Is it possible that some poindextery marketing cunt in a Cubs hat saw my deep dish Chicago dog pizza and ran up to some other poindextery marketing cunt in a Cubs hat and said “I’ve got an idea!”…

And the answer: of fucking course it’s possible.

Secondly we have to ask ourselves: is a month and a half enough time to jack an idea, get it all figured out, and have it ready to be sold at the ball park?

And the answer: I figured out the recipe in 5 minutes and I’m a fucking idiot. Of course it’s enough time.

Now, I’m not sitting here all jacked up thinking I deserve some sort of compensation if they did jack the idea from me, we all know they could use the money to get some decent players, but a little credit would be fucking nice if that’s the case. Hell I’d even take a few ball game tickets. I wouldn’t travel to Wrigley Field to see the game, but I’d drive myself 90 miles to Boston just to throw the tickets away.

Shepherds Fries

Todays mid-week recipe inspiration comes from a local spot in my hometown where I like to drink Jameson & Gingers and forget about giving a fuck.

That spot is the Tavern, and they knock it out of the fucking park. Prime rib specials, legit as fuck wings, soups that’ll knock your tits off, popcorn, Keno…you fucking name it.

Two of my favorites down there are their Shepherds Pie & their French the fuck onion soup (made with prime rib drippings)

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Today, I combined the two (sort of) and made a big ol fucking’ pile of Shepherds Fries.

 

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