I Once Knew a Man From Nantucket With A Poutine So Good I Would F*ck It. (Lobster Poutine Wrap)

The Lobster Poutine She Told You Not To Worry About

I actually don’t know a man from Nantucket. Despite living my entire life in Massachusetts with dozens of trips to Cape Cod I’ve never even been to Nantucket or seen a man who claimed to have been from there.

I do know that I’ve been caught up in the heat of the potato and gravy moment from time to time and questioned whether or not I should eat or fuck the poutine in front of me. This is one of those moments.

When it comes to poutine I’m usually a basic bitch. Gimme fries. Gimme curd. Gimme gravy. I don’t like to stray from that path too much, but every now and again the THC gets ahold of my skeleton and shakes me into fuckin skeletal submission. 

With this recipe we’re taking a classic fork food and turning it into a handheld potato, cheese and seafood torpedo that will be directed straight at your fuckin gullet.



The real star of this clusterfuck for me is the clam chowder gravy – which is clam chowder that’s thickened up with a cheesy bacon roux. Smother some fries, lobster and cheese with with this magical cheese & clam bukakke and you’ve got yourself a one way ticket to Creamsville. Population: Your pants.

 

 

Chicken Parmesan French Fries

I love french fries. Like…love french fries. I could eat them every day, all day. I also love topping fries with all sorts of random shit. I try to always make a “theme” with my fries. Steak & Cheese. Breakfast Fries. Spaghetti & Meatball. The real ticket with loaded fries is starting with the proper fry.

For these classy as fuck chicken parm fries I used the highest quality of frozen fries I could get my grubby mitts on. Those fries are Ore Ida Bold & Cripsy “Zesties”

Since I was using frozen fries there was no real need to go all it with the chicken parm essentials. If I had hand cut my own fries I probably would have went all out and made a nice try of chicken parm, a quick 5 minute scratch tomato sauce and so on. I kept these fries classy with a jar of Ragu, some Sargento Cheese and chopped up Perdue chicken cutlets.

Extremely easy to make and only cost me about $10. I made one huge portions but for that $10 you could honestly split this into 4 decent servings.

Giant Smiley Fry

Fryghtening. Horrifrying. Fryeightful. These scary giant smiley french fry puns doing anything for you?

me neither.

We’re back with another giant food recipe. I could honestly go on for weeks – if not months – with giant recipes, but I feel like that scab has been picked until infected. The giant food boat has sailed. Hopefully it capsizes out at sea and we never fucking see it again.

But we’ll squeeze one more in because that’s what we do around here.

Channel Your Inner Mexinadian With This Poutine Taco

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Just adding more to the ever growing list that is my taco resume. How’s your taco resume? It ain’t fucking shit, that’s how it is.

Burger & Fry Taco
Ramen Taco
S’mores Taco
Thanksgiving Taco
Spaghetti & Meatball Taco
Reuben Taco
Big Mac Taco

and now THE POUTINE TACO.

I don’t know how I slept on this idea for so long. You’d think after doing the Burger & Fry Taco this would have naturally followed, but I guess we have Anheuser Busch to thank for my lack of thought…process…ability?

I literally have no idea what the fuck I’m trying to say right now.

If you’re sick and tired of having yourself a regular ass poutine, switch that shit up and make a Poutine Taco.

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Shepherds Fries

Todays mid-week recipe inspiration comes from a local spot in my hometown where I like to drink Jameson & Gingers and forget about giving a fuck.

That spot is the Tavern, and they knock it out of the fucking park. Prime rib specials, legit as fuck wings, soups that’ll knock your tits off, popcorn, Keno…you fucking name it.

Two of my favorites down there are their Shepherds Pie & their French the fuck onion soup (made with prime rib drippings)

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Today, I combined the two (sort of) and made a big ol fucking’ pile of Shepherds Fries.

 

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Grilled English Muffin Pizza Fries.

If you didn’t grow up eating english muffin pizza’s you were deprived of a positive upbringing.

Either that or your parents had money to order real pizza.

I’ve even had people tell me they grew up eating ketchup on bread-pizzas. You know what kind of parents make you eat ketchup pizzas? The kind of parents that kill fucking kittens while you’re sleeping.

Nice weather is finally here in the Northeast which means cats will be firing up their grills on the reg. These english muffin pizza fries are a great way to kick of your crummy summer cookout. Super easy to make and all of your friends shitty kids should enjoy them as well.

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