Jalapeño Popper Dogs

There are a variety of styles out there when it comes to jalapeño popper hot dogs. There are hot dogs topped with all of your usual jalapeño popper suspects. There are hot dogs topped with straight up jalapeño poppers. There’s the albino jalapeño popper dog my uncle used to serve up in his basement puzzle dungeon, and If you’re my good pal, Dan, From thefoodinmybeard.com your jalapeño popper hot dog comes with the hot dog inside of the jalapeño.

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This recipe was actually set up to be the weeks SundayFunday video until I realized – other than looks – there was really nothing extreme enough to me to turn out a video for the recipe, so I figured a shot fucking blog post should do it.

I thought it would be cool to dress the buns up like a white trash cheese bread, pin some jalapeños to the dogs with toothpicks and spiral wrap some bacon around them. That’s it. All the fundamentals of a jalapeño popper served up on a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog. (I obviously had to go with Nathan’s being that it was the 4th of July and that’s when Nathan’s hot dog eating competition goes down)

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The first step is to pin the jalapeños and bacon to the dogs. I sliced the bacon in half the long way to double my bacon stock. What I really should have done is spiraled the bacon up one way and back down in the opposite direction making some sort of fuckin bacon braid.

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Throw together your bun-spread. Cream cheese, shredded cheddar and some cooked bacon because why the fuck not.

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Now its time to get everything on the grill. Cook both the dogs and buns over indirect heat. I cooked the dogs first and when they looked to be about done I tossed on the buns. I hit the buns with a quick blow torch because America.

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Hope you guys enjoyed this recipe but in the event that you didn’t you can kindly fuck off.

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Chicago Dog Deep Dish/Stuffed Pizza

This weeks recipe is inspired by a city that blows….or a Windy City, whichever you prefer to call it.

Chicago is a tough town. I know you folks that live there have been through some tough times but it’s one of my favorite cities in the country. I’ve been to Chicago a handful of times and for some reason it’s always been the dead of fucking winter. I live in Massachusetts so you could say I know a thing or two about a fucked up cold winter…but fuck me it’s cold as fuck in Chi-town during the winter months.

However, I never let the cold stop me from making my way over to The Wieners Circle for a Chi-dog, some cheese fries, and watching a giant set of tits flop around (aka ‘The Chocolate Milkshake’). I also always tried to make it over to Giordano’s for a stuffed the fuck pizza.

Now I’m sure some of you will probably tell me that those places fucking suck, and there are better spots for a Chicago style hot dog or stuffed pizza elsewhere, and blah blah blah they’re just tourist traps…..well…I’m a fucking tourist so that’s what I want.

Anyways, this weeks recipe is a cheese fry stuffed deep dish pizza with Chicago style dog toppings. I’m well aware I forgot the onion and there are no poppy seeds, but I can’t wait to hear it from all of you cunts in the comment section.

Triple Bacon Cheddar Corn Dog

I’ve ben know to be a bit of a corndogger. No, I’m not talking about the same corndogging Elton John or Rob Halford are familiar with. (see corn dogging definition)

Nothing against my gay male fams…but fuck, even for me corndogging is extreme as fuck.

What I meant about me being a bit of a corndogger (I can’t even say it now without getting a fucking visual) was that I’ve fucked around with some corn dogs.

This blog post really isn’t coming together like I thought it would….

There’s my red velvet corn dog, where I coated a cheap as fuck hot dogs with a 50/50 corn dog-red velvet batter combo. There’s also my blueberry sausage corn dogs, and lastly, my Doritos crusted corn dog grilled cheese…because who wants to live to see 35 anyways?

In my most recent of Google image prowling it came to my attention that there really hasn’t been a triple hot dog corn dog, let alone a triple jalapeño cheddar bacon wrapped hot dog-corn dog.

SO HERE THE FUCK WE GO.

 

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Make Yourself A Hotdog Bun Out Of Mac ‘n Cheese

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Hotdogs are chill. Mac the fuck cheese is pretty chill. Hotdogs mixed in Mac the fuck cheese is chiller. A hot dog bun made out of Mac the fuck cheese that houses a bacon wrapped hot dog is the fucking chillest.

I’m a huge fan of wrapping paper towel tubes with tinfoil after seeing my girl Natasha from throughtheeyesofmybelly.com do it to make some bacon chocolate shot glasses. Literally. I’ve just been sitting around stoned as fuck wrapping tinfoil around paper towel tubes for no reason. 

So I found a reason. 

Hot dog bun made of Mac the fuck cheese. Super easy to make and all you need is some left over Mac the fuck cheese, a few eggs, and, you guessed it…a paper towel tube and some tin-the-fuck-foil.

Independence Dog

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I’m just sitting here residing in that OG state. The mother fucking 13 original colonies. Plymouth Rock? We got it. Basketball? You’re fucking welcome. JFK? We used to refer to him as ‘the dude from down the block’. Volleyball. Yeah, volleyball. You’re all welcome for the buffet of beach volleyball ass you get to eye fuck every summer.

What have you given us South Dakota? Fucking nothing that’s what.

I’m here to pay homage to this great country of ours. We may not live in the greatest country in the world statistically, but I’m proud to say I can safely jerk off in the comfort of my own home. I can fuck my wife and think about your wife. I can even fuck your wife and think about my wife. If I want I can take a shit in my yard. I can even shit in your yard. I can basically shit anywhere. I dunno, I’ve shit a lot of places and never had an issue. Merica’.

For today’s project I built myself an American dog. An Independence Dog if you will. A dog that says “hey, we aren’t the healthiest or smartest country in the world, but we will kick your fucking ass, get drunk as fuck afterwards and try to fuck one of your cousins or brothers”

The independence dog. A hot dog wrapped with bacon and then with ground beef that has been seasoned liberally.  Topped with marinara, mozzarella, pepperoni and served in a vessel made entirely of mac the fuck cheese. 

American Burger

 

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Nothing is more American than food stuffed in other food. Stuffing a burger with hot dogs is like watching George Washington finger bang Abraham Lincoln on top of a fucking keg of Budweiser.

Its Memorial Day Weekend. A celebration of America. A day to remember those who have lost their lives in the line of duty protecting this great country of ours. This is not a fucking BBQ celebration weekend. As you toss your shitty bag during a game of corn hole, or play flip cup with some underage chick you’re going to poke,  remember those who have fought and lost their lives to protect the greatest country in the fucking world.

AMERICA.

Yes. Its a burger stuffed with hot dogs. The burger & dogs were both cooked in bacon grease. The cheese was melted with bacon grease. the bacon was cooked in bacon grease. You’re mom is a whore.

ps. those of you out there stepping on flags…kill yourself.

 

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