St. Patrick’s Day is this week which means your local watering hole will be plagued with bro-hards drinking green bud lights and blasting The Dropkick Murphy’s on the TouchTunes machine like they give a fuck about the Irish or even know what St. Patrick’s Day is all about (does anyone really fucking know?)
As a Canadian I don’t have to concern myself with this shit. I ain’t drinking green beer, and I’m not going to sit around and pretend I’m some die hard Dropkick Murphy’s fan just because they have a song about fucking Boston.
I will however concern myself with some corned beef.
More importantly, Ruebens.
More important than just a reuben….Rueben Stuffed Pretzels.
Bacon potato blunts. Basically a play on my bacannoli only with potato & cheese and not shit house cheese in a fuckin can this time.
Super easy to make if you have some cannoli tubes. If you don’t have cannoli tubes, I don’t know. Fuck off about it.
Wrap the cannoli tubes with bacon and bake(375 for 20-30) That’s it. That’s all there is to it. Make yourself a piping bag and pipe in whatever you’re looking to fill these fuckers with. Pipe your little prick in there for all that I care.
To get the bacon off of the tubes I wrapped my hand with a paper towel and shimmied them off like I was jerking a dick real slow from balls to tip. Literally.
You go hard in the paint?
I paint hard in your chick.
She wants this Canadian man dime,
Not some pre-cummy dick.
Get it? Like my dick is the paintbrush, and my man sauce is the paint, and I bust in your girl.
I don’t know. I’ve been rapping in my head a lot and that line just stuck with me. I wouldn’t fuck your chick because I prefer to only enter my wife.
Here’s one for all the dickheads out there. This ain’t some amateur hour shit. Your pallet has to be on fucking point to enjoy this shit. You have to be a fan of jalapeños, cocks, fluff, dicks, graham crackers, penis parties, chocolate, and chocolate covered cocks.
If you’ve never had fluff, I encourage you to go out, purchase a tub of it, shot up to your parents and make your father watch you fuck your mother for raising you without fluff in your life.
The jalapeños maintain a good crunch which kind of fucking bothered me at first, but I pulled my dick out of the sand and manned the fuck up. Although, next time I would roast the jalapeños over an open flame and remove the skin to give the jalapeños the flaccid dick treatment. I would flaccidize them. The flaccification would be great. Are these flaccid jokes hitting anyone’s soft spot?
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As I stated before, right now I’m all about convenience. Any time I can eat and fondle myself at the same time, is a good time. Mozzarella sticks are great. Know whats not great? Trying to drive, eat, and play with my balls all while I try to dip a fried cheese stick in some fucking marinara.
I’m sure there is an easier way to do this, but I like to make things difficult as fuck. I cut some fat boy straws down, filled them with marinara, and froze that shit. Its not the most beautiful thing in the world, but like I said to my pal Elie from Foodbeast, perfection ain’t always beautiful.
For the cheese I went with slices of Sargento Mozzarella. I ended up having to soften each slice up for about 6 seconds in the microwave to be able to roll up the marinara tubes. I folded in the sides of the cheese, roll it up, and pinched the edges the fuck shut. To get the marinara out of the star I just poked it out with my skinny baby dick.
I stuck them in the freezer for about an hour. When I took them out I egg washed them, breaded, egg washed, and breaded again. Back into the freeze box for another hour. Pulled those delicious little fuckers out of the freezer and into the fryer at 375 for about 2 /12 minutes. The cheese was nice and hot while the marinara in the middle was more of a room temp.
Right now I’m all about convenience. I’ve got a kid on the way, and the easier something is to eat the more time I have to mess around with some tits before they are all hogged up by a fucking little ass person.
Ive fucked around with Green Bean Casserole Potato Balls, and my boy Nick from DUDEFOODS.COM has a pretty similar recipe for Deep Fried Mashed Potatoes. Not really sure why he ended up going with butter instead of gravy, but I’m guessing its because he was touched by another man when he was younger. Kidding boo, love you.
My first attempt at this was a fucking wash. I used some instant potatoes because they’re fucking delicious. To be able to form potato around some gravy, I froze the gravy in ice cube trays. Mistake I made the first time was forming the balls and sticking them in the fridge to let the gravy cubes un-freeze a bit. Stupid. Turned the potato balls into fucking potato mush fuck piles.
Second attempt I dove right in. Formed the potato around the gravy cubes and gave them a quick egg/milk wash. Dropped them into a 50/50 combo of AP flour & cornmeal, back in the wash, back in the flour combo, into the fucking fry bath. Would have loved to get my hands on some mini ice cube trays and made these cocksuckers a little more bite size.
Heres another beauty out of the EAT LIKE SHIT COOKBOOK, which is still only $5 fucking bucks. So why haven’t you picked yours up???
So I did an interview. I was asked if I could come up with an OC inspired recipe. Problem was, every time I was in CA I was drunk as fuck. So after about 1:34 seconds of research I decided to go with this “carne asada” shit. Never had it in my life, but how could you really go wrong with marinated beef?