French Onion Soup Tater Tots

I am what I would consider a bit of a french onion soup go hard. I think most people are. If you don’t enjoy a good french onion soup there’s a good chance you spend a portion of your time filling out applications for ISIS.

There’s actually no real recipe here. Mainly just combining things. I wanted to make up for the lack of broth I had with my French Onion Soup Burger, which led me to fucking tater island.

Get yourself some onions, tots, and a few cans of either beef broth or canned french onion soup.

The most time consuming process is carmelizing the onions. Low and slow, fuckb0is.

Top your tots with a healthy dosing of caramelized onions and a few slices of cheese (I used provolone) before sliding your masterpiece under the broiler for a few minutes

French Onion Soup Burger

So there’s a video floating around of a woman who places a chocolate cake on the counter and proceeds to….you know what, never mind.

There’s also this other video floating around of a french onion soup burger. The thing is legit. They went all out with it. Cheese. Carmelized onions. More cheese. It’s literally the Peter North of the burger world.

Seeing the video inspired me to knock a french onion soup burger off of my ever growing lists of ideas.

With my burger I wanted to do an actual play on soup. I wanted my burger to be a “bowl” so it could house a pile of caramelized onions. (This is the same method I used with my scallop stuffed burger) Some cheese on top between two buttery toasted buns and BOOM. Both myself and Le Rivage missed the bus on serving these burgers with some sort of beef broth but you get that on the big jobs.

Start by caramelizing some onions. I used 3 medium yellow onions. Cook over medium heat in butter and oil until caramelized.

For the burgers I used pre-made patties. Normally I would hand press my own but I’ve been hooked on these pre-seasoned pub style burgers from Stop & Shop. Do your best to form them into somewhat of a bowl. I found using the bottom of a bar glass to be helpful with this step.

Fill your finished burger with the caramelized onions, top with cheese – I used American & provolone – and slide under the broiler until cheese starts to brown.

And that my friends is my version of a french onion soup burger.

Cheesy Bacon Chowder Tots.

The Vulgar Chef’s, Chowder Tots.

California’s Slapfish® has a menu thats stacked toes to fucking tits, and when I say toes to tits, I mean TOES.TO.FUCKING.TITS.

The Clobster Grilled Cheese (yes, thats lobster and fucking crab) Fish + Chips, and Shrimp & Bacon Avocado Grilled Cheese are a few menu items to name to get your pre-ejaculatories flowing.


Today I’m here to pay my respects to one of their signature menu items…THEIR FUCKING CHEDDAR FRIES.

Now being that I live 3000 some-odd miles away from a Slapfish® location, I’ve never had the chance to experience any of Chef Andrew Gruel’s food….so I fucked around with my own version.

I made some chowder tots. As I has mentioned last week with my Jalapeño Totters , I’m just on a total fuckin tot kick right now. Nothing against french fries….but fuck french fries.

Tots, Cheese, Campell’s Chunky New England Clam Chowder, Smithfield Bacon, and runny as four fucks egg.







Have a product or menu item you would like me to fuck around with? Hit me with that e-mail.


Next week….I fuck with EGGSLUT