Bacon Wrapped Taco Pockets

The taco pocket may not be the hero we need but it sure as hell is the hero we need.

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This is honestly a terrible, lazy and sad attempt for a Sunday Funday video…but it also has not been done before and that’s usually what I’m shooting for. Every week I try to do something that hasn’t been done. I try to avoid doing a play on someone else’s recipe…we save that shit for the Mid-Week Stretch videos (which I haven’t done in months). So even if we’re lacking in the creativity department from time to time I try to bring you cunts something that hasn’t been done.

The taco pocket is simple pocket. Two tacos shells married together, wrapped with bacon and then stuffed with your typical white-America taco fillings. Most people don’t consider these tacos because it’s not a soft flour or corn tortilla filled with fresh fixings and/or slow cooked tough cuts of meat. Every time I post something like this there is an abundance of hipster cunts there to let me know that “that’s not a real taco”. I know this because I’ve posted a lot of taco content and I hear it every fucking time.


I don’t fucking care.

I love tacos. Everyone should love tacos. Everyone should love all forms of tacos. I like to use this style of taco shell more often because they’re statistically trashier then other forms of taco shells and that’s what I’m all about.

Making these is a breeze. All you’re really doing is locking some shells together and securing them with bacon.

A lot of people were wondering why I didn’t wrap the bacon all the way up the shells. 

Because I didn’t.

I was also asked a lot why I didn’t just bake them? Why did I cook them in a frying pan? 

Because the shells would have cooked and burned before the bacon was even close to being complete cooked, stupid.

All I was looking to do was create a large void to fill within some taco shells and I think I hit the fuckin male g-spot of the taco world.

Lasagna Taco

The Lasagna Taco may not be the taco we need, but it most certainly is the taco we deserve.

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I’m not going to sit here and toot my taco-horn – but I’ve fucked up some shit in the taco world. We all have our talents. Some of us are great photographers. Some of us are great athletes. Some of us can twerk on a dick so well that you cause someone to lose their load in 3.6 seconds. Whatever talent-card life has dealt you just do what you do best.

For me that talent-card is turning foods into tacos that don’t necessarily need to be turned into tacos. (or do they…..)

This is actually something I’ve been working on for a few years. Yeah. Working on a taco…for a few years…I just said that. Constantly running into the issue of how to form a taco “shell” and have it look….lasagna-y?

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After numerous failed attempts I finally nailed this fucker. Some mafalda noodles – little egg wash – and some shredded cheese. Thats its. Thats all you need to make this abomination.

 

 

100% Mozzarella Taco Shell

On a scale of 1 to mozzarella…what do you prefer your taco shells to be made of?

The nice thing about a taco shell made completely out of cheese is that you will most likely be backed up for days, and when you finally shit it will look like a fucking human head.

This recipe didn’t go as smoothly as I wanted it to (see for yourself on my VLOG), but it was still a fucking knockout.

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Channel Your Inner Mexinadian With This Poutine Taco

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Just adding more to the ever growing list that is my taco resume. How’s your taco resume? It ain’t fucking shit, that’s how it is.

Burger & Fry Taco
Ramen Taco
S’mores Taco
Thanksgiving Taco
Spaghetti & Meatball Taco
Reuben Taco
Big Mac Taco

and now THE POUTINE TACO.

I don’t know how I slept on this idea for so long. You’d think after doing the Burger & Fry Taco this would have naturally followed, but I guess we have Anheuser Busch to thank for my lack of thought…process…ability?

I literally have no idea what the fuck I’m trying to say right now.

If you’re sick and tired of having yourself a regular ass poutine, switch that shit up and make a Poutine Taco.

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Taco Biscuits

Whats up fam? Back with a mid-week video. Probably should have posted this yesterday for Taco Tuesday but fuck me? right? 

Anyways I’ve got a legit as fuck taco biscuits recipe here.

Rice Krispies Ice Cream Taco

Thanksgiving, spaghetti, cookie dough, ramen, French fry, and now Rice Krispies treat.

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It’s absurd that whoever made that taco stand or whatever the fuck it is hasn’t sent me at least a quarter-milli. Pretty sure I’m the only asshole using the fucking thing.

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This idea has been in my playbook for a minute now, but due to alcohol fueled shenanigans, procrastination, general laziness, and getting shat on by our baby, took me two months to muster up the energy to spend 15 minutes in my kitchen making this fucking beaut.

I went with a double boil method making the treats for the first time. I thought it would be less of a mess
to clean but I’m a fuckin juggernaut in the kitchen, so either way there’s gonna be a mess.

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The part I really fucked up is where you add the butter. I added regular ol’ butter instead of utilizing the THC riddled butter sitting in the fuckin’ vegetable drawer of our fridge.


I followed a standard Rice Krispies Treats Recipe (3 TBL butter, one 10oz package mini marshmallows, and 5-6 cups of Rice Krispies).

When I had the mixtures all…mixed…I layered it onto a cookie sheet that I covered with wax paper. Let it cool for about 10 minutes before cutting a circle out of the whole shit.

 

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I then transferred the cutout to the taco whatever shit. I stuck a few cannoli making tubes in the middle so it didn’t fall in on itself while it cooled.

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I only ended up making one shell because of the whole procrastination-laziness-alcohol issues I mentioned earlier. Fill with your favorite ice cream and fuck off about your day.

French Fry Burger Taco

 

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Much like Farrah Abraham self-proclaims herself the Kim Kardashian of New York, Id like to proclaim myself the fuck Farrah Abraham, that whack ass porn you made fucking sucks you long faced-lookin’ like you’ve been swinging around in a bat cave by your feet poor excuse for a parent. 

I don’t like to jerk my own dick but let’s face it, I love reinventing the taco shell with other terrible food. It all started with the Ramen Taco. Then came Big Mac Taco, Rebuen Taco, S’mores Taco, Ice Cream Cookie Dough Taco, Spaghetti & Meatball Taco, and now…French Fry Burger Taco.

I know there have been arguments amongst the cunty trolls on my pages, that none of these are tacos..but neither are the shitty Ortega tacos your fat bitch of a wife is making at home with wheat shells and ground turkey, but you don’t see me siting here calling her a worthless cunt. So who gives a flying fuck.

Some of you are familiar with my previous French fry workings. The Burger Fry Balls, and the overcooked in the middle Burger Fry Bomb.

It was only a matter of time before the Fry Taco Shell filled with all of your burger fixin’s.

The fries are prepared same as with the other fry recipes. I chop up some fries, mix them with shredded cheese, nuke them in the microwave for a good 30 seconds. Form the fries into the desires shape I need.

For the fry shells the desired shape is a circle. The easiest way to go about this is to lay the nuked cheesy fries out on a flat surface, and let cool slightly. You know what? Just watch the fuckin’ video. (Bake at 450 for 15 minutes)

Spaghetti & Meatball Tacos

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Here’s a little piece of shit recipe I’ve been trying to jerk off for a while. I chatted with my consultant, Nick, from DudeFoods only to find out he had tried to do this as well. I was fucking hellbent on having the spaghetti be sauced but it just wasn’t fucking going down. They way I ended up doing it ended up being easy as fuck. The only thing I would change is to season the shit out of the pasta next time. Happy Taco fuck you Tuesday.

 

 

 BUY THE BEST COOKBOOK IN THE FUCKING WORLD.

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