This week we’re taking the bacon weave to new heights. Not only are we going to make a pizza ‘crust’ out of bacon, we’re going to make two bacon pizza crusts, put a nice cheesy loaded scrambled egg blend (BECAUSE ITS 2018 AND MAC AND CHEESE IS OUT) between them and top that shit with some more breakfast suspects.
The first step is to make yourself a few bacon weaves. Its going to take about 2lbs of bacon in total to knock this fucker out. Make sure you get yourself some decent bacon. You can get thick cut but you’ll end up with a smaller end product.
Now you can go one of two ways here – You can make 2 decent sized crusts for 1 decent sized breakfast pizza, or you can make four smaller crusts for two smaller pizzas. That decision is up to you.
Once you have your bacon weave crusts cooked all you have left to do is build. You could stuff the crusts with cheesy home fries, a blend of breakfast meats, maybe stick a big waffle in there. You have to be a thinker here. Don’t be a fucking generic Eric. Make something official.
We’re kicking this year off with an easy one. French onion spring rolls that eventually make their way onto a piled high roast beef sandwich.
The nice thing about spring rolls is you can stuff them with whatever the fuck you want. You could even chop up other spring rolls and stuff them in your spring rolls. Wonton wraps are super cheap (think I paid $3) and super useful. Great way to spice up leftovers. Oh, you’ve got a bowl of spaghetti sitting in your crusty fuckin fridge? Toss that shit in a wonton wrapper with some cheese and fry (or bake) those bad bois up. You can also just cut the wraps up into little triangles and fry them up for some crunchy shit to eat on the fly.
I went a little too hard with caramelizing the onions. I like to go big or go home when it comes to onions. Sweat them for a few hours. For these I would go half as hard as I went. You want the onions to be caramelized but you don’t want them do be a borderline onion paste.
You don’t have to serve these on a sandwich. You could do them up with some cheese right in the spring roll. You could serve them with a cheese dip. If you’re feeling froggy you could use the whole wrap and make some sort of giant onion ravioli and really get your stank breath rocking. These decisions are up to you. I’m just here rattling shit off the top of my balding little head.
What you’re seeing here are the side effects of long term marijuana use.
The idea for ketchup caviar comes from a from a few things. It comes from watching molecular gastronomy videos, getting high and staring at one of those water & oil hourglass things that you would sometimes get in your Christmas stocking as a child.
The process is simple. Use geletin to make a ketchup “jello” and drop beads of the ketchup jello hybrid into some cold vegetable oil.
My first attempt was a bit of a failure. I dropped the ketchup beads into a mason jar filled with cold cooking oil. Everything looked great until I went to strain the “caviar”. It ended up sticking together like one big clump. This is when I went back for a second attempt and dropped the beads into a baking dish filled with a thin layer of oil instead.
The second time around I also doubled down on geletin. Two packets of geletin per cup of ketchup.
Ketchup game: destroyed.
I will mention that once the ketchup warms up it starts to lose its form. I’m not sure if this could be solved with adding more jello or not, but eating a spoonful of these cold was a pretty strange experience.
So I’ve been messing around with gelatin a bit. I could have went nuts with the geletin, but I wanted to keep it simple. I was originally going to try and make slices of actual pickle juice, much like when I made slices of gravy for The Ultimate Shepherds Pie Burger.
All you need for this is are some pickles and geletine.
Heat up 2 CUPS of pickle brine in a sauce pan. You don’t need to bring to an boil or anything, just warm that shit up. Mix 3 packets of geletin in cold brine until its will blended. Mix the brine and geletin mixture and pickle brine well and place into a large Tupperware. Toss in some chunks of pickle and have a fuckin field day.
Fryghtening. Horrifrying. Fryeightful. These scary giant smiley french fry puns doing anything for you?
We’re back with another giant food recipe. I could honestly go on for weeks – if not months – with giant recipes, but I feel like that scab has been picked until infected. The giant food boat has sailed. Hopefully it capsizes out at sea and we never fucking see it again.
But we’ll squeeze one more in because that’s what we do around here.
So there’s a video floating around of a woman who places a chocolate cake on the counter and proceeds to….you know what, never mind.
There’s also this other video floating around of a french onion soup burger. The thing is legit. They went all out with it. Cheese. Carmelized onions. More cheese. It’s literally the Peter North of the burger world.
Seeing the video inspired me to knock a french onion soup burger off of my ever growing lists of ideas.
With my burger I wanted to do an actual play on soup. I wanted my burger to be a “bowl” so it could house a pile of caramelized onions. (This is the same method I used with my scallop stuffed burger) Some cheese on top between two buttery toasted buns and BOOM. Both myself and Le Rivage missed the bus on serving these burgers with some sort of beef broth but you get that on the big jobs.
Start by caramelizing some onions. I used 3 medium yellow onions. Cook over medium heat in butter and oil until caramelized.
For the burgers I used pre-made patties. Normally I would hand press my own but I’ve been hooked on these pre-seasoned pub style burgers from Stop & Shop. Do your best to form them into somewhat of a bowl. I found using the bottom of a bar glass to be helpful with this step.
Fill your finished burger with the caramelized onions, top with cheese – I used American & provolone – and slide under the broiler until cheese starts to brown.
And that my friends is my version of a french onion soup burger.
Shepherds pie – or EBT lasagna as I like to call it – is hands down one of the most magnificent forms of American fusion since white rice and ketchup.
Reinventing the shepherds pie as a donut has easily solidified my position as one of the top pasty chefs in the modern world, as well as one of the top fucktards. Meat stuffed “pastry” with a mashed potato frosting, gravy drizzle, corn sprinkles & a green onion dusting.
You can spend hours online image searching ‘jalapeño popper chicken‘ (speaking from experience). It’s a total belly-boner situation.
In my opinion It’s the most literal form of visual food porn. Well there’s that and filming an actual porn with some food.
For some reason no one has had the audacity to stick a nice hunk of JPC – that’s jalapeño popper chicken for those of you who start paying attention 3 paragraphs in – between two slices of bread and serve it up on a comfortable looking bed of avocado.
That’s what we’re going to do today.
The first step is to flatten and season your boneless chicken breast. Season liberally. I used some cracked pepper, salt, crushed red pepper and some Italian seasoning.
Fill a few jalapeños with cream cheese, I cut the tops off and scooped out the majority of seeds, but I made sure to leave some so I could experience that sweet jalapeño heat.
Time to get the jalapeños wrapped up in the chicken. Once you have the chicken all wrapped up be sure to season the outside of it as well.
Get the chicken into a hot pan. The cast iron is nice because you can go from stop top to oven.
When the bottoms of the chicken breasts have a nice sear to them slide them in the oven at 375° for 35-40 minutes, or until bacon looks cooked. I finished them off under the broiler for a couple minutes to crisp the bacon up a bit more.
Finally you’ll build your sandwich. You’ll notice the chicken is HUGE. I think the only real way to battle this would be to cut the jalapeños in half the long way. It was a wide load to stuff into my mouth….but I still managed.