“A man is only as strong as the Bloody Mary he makes…so make a fucking stiffy.” – Ghandi, Marilyn Monroe & Princess Diana 

The Bloody Mary. The international “I’m not a drunk but I want to get drunk at 8am” cocktail to end your hangover and set you up for a day of hard boozing.

I pride myself on my Mary. I have a Bloody Mary Kit* that I carry around with me during the holidays to ensure my family is drunk before noon.

*Bloody Mary Kit: a reusable grocery bag full of Bloody Mary essentials.

If you’re a real cock in the ass you’ll use some bullshit store bought mix. While there are some really good mixes out there, show your family how much of a Bloody Mary go hard you are by making your own mix.

I like to use V8. Tons of flavor with the juice itself before adding anything. If you’re a cunt, you’ll use tomato juice.

As far as ingredients go, the basics are pepper, horseradish, Tabasco, Worcestershire and celery salt. Normally garnished with celery and a few lemon and lime wedges.

That’s cool and all, but a good Mary should be half drink half nutritional breakfast in my eyes. Pickles, olives, bacon, a rotisserie chicken…you need garnishes you can snack on while you drink. Not some fuckin stalk of vegetable and a lemon.

Contrary to what Ghandi, Marilyn Monroe, and Princess Diana say, while the Mary should be stiff, I think it’s best not to take away from the deliciousness of the mix that you’ve made with too much vodka, which is why I normally fill the glass halfway with booze.

Check the video below to see the formula I went with for this Thanksgiving.