Basic Bitch Burger

Basic Bitch Burger

Closing Out Basic Bitch Season With A Proper Burger.

Basic bitch season is great if you’re into finger banging girls who dip their chicken tenders in ketchup and smell like pumpkin mayonnaise. Yoga pants are cool, but as the Great Bill Burr once said “I’ve been to enough yoga classes to know what those pants smell like”. 

For todays recipe I had to dig deep and channel my inner bitch. In fact, I believe I may have dug a little too deep. A burger with pumpkin buns probably isn’t what the world needed right now but its what the worlds fucking getting.

I Like The Way You Basic Bitch….Burger

The most basic bitch thing about this burger is you have to go pumpkin picking to source your bun. Yeah you could go to the grocery store or a fuckin’ farmers market but I suggest going right into the belly of the basic bitch beast. I’m a father. Pumpkin picking is some shit I do. When I was younger it was the thrill of the hayride out to find the best pumpkin I could find that got my blood flowing. Now its the thrill of seeing 12 white girls out on a pumpkin patch in 40° weather just to take a picture that really makes me want to stab myself.

The Basic Bitch Burger recipe is pretty straightforward. Pumpkin Bun. Pumpkin Mayo. Burger. Thats It.

Slice your pumpkin in half and season it with cinnamon, brown sugar and salt. Bake at 350° for about 45 minutes or until it’s tender enough to stick a toothpick into.


While all of that tom fuckin’ foolery is going down you can whip up some pumpkin spice mayo. It’s pretty much everything you’d expect it to be. Cinnamon. Brown Sugar. Pumpkin. Mayo. Now I actually didn’t hate this. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it.

All thats left to do is cook a burger and build this Ugg season fuck of a burger.


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