The Francesinha. Thank you, Portugal.

The Francesinha. Thank you, Portugal.
The Francesinha…but like…made by me.
I don’t know shit about Portugal. Don’t know where it is on a map. Don’t know what kind of food they eat. Hell, I don’t even know how to spell it (Thanks, spellcheck ;-p) What I DO know is that I stumbled across a Francesinha sandwich in one of my Youtube food video rabbit holes. It’s basically a club sandwich for the fattest of cunts, covered in some sort of red “gravy”, cheese, egg & served with fries. A standard Francesinha, from what I’ve seen, is bread, salami, sausage, some sort of pork or steak, cheese, more cheese, a few more fuckin cheese, a brown tomato sauce thats loaded with booze, and egg and served with fries. Do yourself a favor – just Google or YouTube Francesinha and check it out for yourself.
Fuck, isn’t it beautiful?
For my version of this fuck of a sandwich I wanted to keep it traditional but I also wanted to put an American finger it its hole. There’s a bit of a laundry list when it comes to ingredients for this masterpiece so let’s get that out of the way:


  • 1 Shot Whisky
  • 1 Shot White Wine
  • 1 Shot Red Wine
  • 24 oz Beer
  • 12 oz Tomato Puree
  • 1 Medium Onion (diced)
  • 1 tbsp Butter
  • 2 Cloves Garlic
  • 1 tbsp Onion Powder
  • 1 tbsp Garlic Powder
  • 1 tbsp Parsley
  • 1 tbsp Salt
  • 1/2 tbsp black pepper
  • 1 Chili Pepper
  • 2 tbsp cornstarch
I’ll be fuckin honest. You could just buy a jarred pasta sauce, add the booze and simmer it for 10 minutes if you’re looking to save some time. Sauté onions, garlic and butter over MEDIUM heat for 10 minutes. Add beer & spirits and simmer for another 10 minutes. Add the tomato puree & spices. Cover & simmer for 1 hour. Blend with an immersion blender. In a separate bowl you’re gonna make a cornstarch slurry to thiccin’ this dirty little bitch up. Mix 1 tbsp of starch with 1 tbsp of water. Slowly add to the sauce. Repeat this process until the sauce is a desired thiccness.
Now that that fuck of sauce is out of the way we can start to cook the meat.


  • Breakfast Sausage
  • Bread
  • Bacon
  • Salami
  • Ham
  • 1 Egg For Each Sandwich
  • Pepper-jack Cheese
  • Long Cheese (I don’t know just look for long fucking cheese)
  • Some Sort of Cheese Burger
  • French Fries
Cook the bacon and sausage in the same pan, DO NOT FUCK THIS UP. Once the bacon and sausage is cooked, cook the burger or whatever your meat choice is.
The final step before assembly is to toast the bread. 3 slices per sandwich, You can honestly build this cunt however you want but here’s a photo spread of how I tackled this bitch.
Top with your long ass cheese and bake at 400° for 10 minutes or until the cheese has melted.
Top with sauce, egg, green shit and garnish the plate with fries.
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