The Holiday Centerpiece You Never Knew You Needed

Wow Your Guests With This One of a Kind Holiday Snack.

The holidays are a great time to show off you culinary skills – and show them off is what the fuck I do. Thanksgiving crunchwraps, Thanksgiving Sushi, and now most importantly this Holiday Pickle Cake…or hot dog pie…or whatever the fuck ever.


The nice thing about gelatin is you can pretty much gelatin anything. You could probably gelatin a fart if you really put some effort behind it. Maybe fart in some water for a while before turning it into gelatin. There it is. Edible fart.

There aren’t many steps or ingredients to this recipe which is nice. The cheapest hot dogs money can buy. Baby dill pickles. A few packs of gelatin & a bundt cake pan.


Little Debbie Lasagna Because Diabetes Is Chill

Little Debbie Lasagna – The Snack That Bites Back (or something)

The nice thing about diabetes is it does not discriminate. Black? White? Muppet? Diabetes doesn’t give three fucks who you are or where you came from. I love diabetes. I don’t have it or anything, i just love it. I’d snort a Hollywood of sugar with Wilford Brimley while we inject each other with insulin given the opportunity. But since I don’t see that happening anytime soon, a Little Debbie Lasagna is my next best option.



The nice thing about a Little Debbie Lasagna is you can layer the fuck out of it however you want. Honey Buns, Chocolate Cupcakes, Star Crunch – the list goes on. The most important part of a Little Debbie Lasagna is that you call is a lasagna. I mean, it’s basically a cake, but whenever I’m given the opportunity to spray-shit all over some sort of Italian cooking I get my fuckin’ spray-on.

My Little Debbie Lasagna was an all out foot losing fuck fest. Oatmeal Creme Pie (which are actually trash, don’t fucking @ me) Nutty Buddies, Swiss Rolls, Zebra Cakes (also trash) Cosmic Brownies, and some of those-them-there Creme Cunt Cakes. Basically you’re just going to chop up them delicious snacks and layer them in a pan with Cool Whip.

 

Stuffed Oreo Cookies

There are two types of people in this world:

1.people who don’t like Oreos.

2.people who are wrong.

I love Oreos. My favorite thing to do with Oreos is to get a large glass of cold ass milk and drop like 6 or 7 Oreos directly into the glass. “Sinkers” are what I call them. Let those fuckers marinate in the milk for a few minutes and you’re left with this mud pie Oreo fuck-fest at the bottom of your glass. It’s delicious.

Todays recipe will be a deconstructed/reconstructed Oreo creation. I won’t be adding much to the Oreos other than powders sugar and butter.

Variety is the spice of life, so for this recipe I used the two most common Oreos.

Start by separating your Oreos. Give them a quick twist and scrape the frosting off with a butter knife or paint scraper. Melt the frosting in the microwave in 30 second intervals.

Once the frosting is melted you can add pretty much anything in the dessert ingredient ball park. I chose peanut butter. Mix together with about 1 CUP of powdered sugar until you have a dough-like consistency. You want to be able to mold it without it sticking to your hands. Trial and error tonight me that 6 frosting balls is about all you need for 1 package of Oreos. 

Pro tip: stick the frosting balls in the freezer so they will be easier to work with.

Next crush up the cookie section of the Oreo. Crush the shit out of it. Mix in 1 stick of melted butter followed by 1 egg.

Form the cookie mixture around your frosting balls and they are ready to cook. Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes.

I was really hoping for a more sphere shaped ending. If I had fried them in oil probably would have achieved this, but there’s always the fact that the Oreo cookie outside could have burned before the egg that was mixed in cooked completely.

That’s it. That’s how you deconstruct and reconstruct an Oreo. These were super delicious. Super soft. Basically we’re looking at a big Oreo stuffed cookie. I can’t wait to mess around with this method some more in the future. Oreo tacos? Oreo Churros? Oreo Whoopoe pies? Oreo Sushi? We’ll let the marijuana call the shots.

Rice Krispies Treat Stuffed Peanut Butter Cups

For the past year or two (don’t quote me on that) Reese’s has been absolutely destroying the peanut butter cup game.

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Well I decided I wanted a little slice of that heaven. Actually, someone I work with suggested this idea so the only real credit I can take for this is the execution.

All that was said by my boy B-Sleazy was “I want a peanut butter cup with Rice Krispies Treat inside of it” and the rest is history. Well, not really history. More of just a YouTube video.

Twinkies® Stuffed Brownies

So this week I picked up a box of the new Red, White & Blue Twinkies®. Rather than just smoking myself stupid and choking down the entire box I decided I’d work out a blog post.

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I haven’t done a dessert recipe in a while and this weeks SundayFunday video is going to be Rice Krispies stuffed peanut butter cups….so consider this week a dessert overdose!

These are stupid easy. Brownie mix, Twinkies and cookie dough for a base. I used a 9×9 baking dish and laid down a layer of cookie dough. I baked it at 350° for about 7 minutes just until it softened up so I could spread it around.

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If you use a 12×12 baking dish you should be able to go 2 Twinkies® wide all over this tit-job. I had to break off about 1/2 Twinkie® to fill the void.

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Cover with brownie mix and bake at 325° for 45 minutes. I actually baked them for 45 minutes, shut the oven off & let them sit in the oven for another 20-30 minutes since the center was still a little gooey. It still ended up a bit gooey but thats the way I fuckin’ like it. You could probably cook them at a lower temp for longer if you don’t like your brownies soft and gooey.

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Super delicious. The cookie dough base isn’t as present as I hoped it would be. Maybe double that the next time I make these.

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Twix & Oreo Shot Glasses

There are two types of people in this world. People who like Twix and people who can just go fly a fucking kite.

Inspired by my good friend Amy, of Oh, Bite IT! and her Snickers Shot Glasses, and my good friend at throughtheyesofmybelly.com‘s Bacon Chocolate Shot Glasses, I decided some fucking Twix shot glasses needed to happen.

Cut a red SOLO cup up from the bottom where that little fucking line is. Drop in an Oreo and pack in some mini Twix around it. Melt some chocolate and spread it around like a greasy asshole. Freeze for 15 minutes and give another chocolate coating. Fill with vodka, milk, and Kahlúa.

 

“This shit is chess it ain’t checkers”

 

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