Grilled English Muffin Pizza Fries.

If you didn’t grow up eating english muffin pizza’s you were deprived of a positive upbringing.

Either that or your parents had money to order real pizza.

I’ve even had people tell me they grew up eating ketchup on bread-pizzas. You know what kind of parents make you eat ketchup pizzas? The kind of parents that kill fucking kittens while you’re sleeping.

Nice weather is finally here in the Northeast which means cats will be firing up their grills on the reg. These english muffin pizza fries are a great way to kick of your crummy summer cookout. Super easy to make and all of your friends shitty kids should enjoy them as well.

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[HOW TO] Ultimate Cheeseburger Grinder



It’s soda-not pop, it’s a packy-not a liquor story, and it’s a grinder-not a fuckin’ hero, sub, wedge, or hoagie

At least if you’re from New England….

I love grinders and my stretch marks tell that story for me. It’s like each small tear in the skin on my love handles tells a story of mayonnaise, cheese, and various piled high cold cuts. They also tell the story of 8.0% beers, ice cream, chips, no exercise, naps, soda, and zero fucks.

The cheeseburger grinder is the unscheduled-surprise mustache ride of the grinder world…legit as fuck.

I wanted to take the cheeseburger to the next level. We’ve seen french fry buns from DudeFoods, and we’ve seen my burger encased in a “fry bomb”, so naturally a grinder was next on the chopping block.

The fries are prepared pretty much the same way I prepared them with the burger bomb. Nuke some frozen fries in the microwave until they’re soggy, mix with cheese, and form into whatever the fuck you want. Next week I’m going to make a Kardashian out of fries and hate fuck it for a while.

French Fry Burger Taco



Much like Farrah Abraham self-proclaims herself the Kim Kardashian of New York, Id like to proclaim myself the fuck Farrah Abraham, that whack ass porn you made fucking sucks you long faced-lookin’ like you’ve been swinging around in a bat cave by your feet poor excuse for a parent. 

I don’t like to jerk my own dick but let’s face it, I love reinventing the taco shell with other terrible food. It all started with the Ramen Taco. Then came Big Mac Taco, Rebuen Taco, S’mores Taco, Ice Cream Cookie Dough Taco, Spaghetti & Meatball Taco, and now…French Fry Burger Taco.

I know there have been arguments amongst the cunty trolls on my pages, that none of these are tacos..but neither are the shitty Ortega tacos your fat bitch of a wife is making at home with wheat shells and ground turkey, but you don’t see me siting here calling her a worthless cunt. So who gives a flying fuck.

Some of you are familiar with my previous French fry workings. The Burger Fry Balls, and the overcooked in the middle Burger Fry Bomb.

It was only a matter of time before the Fry Taco Shell filled with all of your burger fixin’s.

The fries are prepared same as with the other fry recipes. I chop up some fries, mix them with shredded cheese, nuke them in the microwave for a good 30 seconds. Form the fries into the desires shape I need.

For the fry shells the desired shape is a circle. The easiest way to go about this is to lay the nuked cheesy fries out on a flat surface, and let cool slightly. You know what? Just watch the fuckin’ video. (Bake at 450 for 15 minutes)

Animal Fry Grilled Cheese

The best thing about living on the east coast is that I don’t live in fucking California. Sometimes I flush my toilet and let my water run just for the fuck of it. Yeah I have some boys out there I got mad love for, but if I can’t step outside turn my hose on and wash my driveway…..well fuck me.
….But the cocks ain’t always bigger on the other side of the fence.

The worst thing about living on the east coast is that we don’t have a fucking In-n-Out. I mean, like, not for thousands of fucking miles. So I have to adapt. I have to animal style the fuck out of shit myself.

Which led me to this Animal Style Grilled cheese.



French Fry Burger Bomb

I didn’t really know what else to call this. I was originally going to call it the burger that fucked your mom, but I can’t think of a mom that could actually take this thing in the sack. So Burger Bomb it is.

I used the same method with the fries as I did with my burger balls. Formed them around a burger that I had seared on both sides with a few slices of cheese in the mix. Yes I am aware the burger is over cooked but suck my fucking balls about it. I had to cook the fucking thing a little longer than I had thought so the burger cooked too. Fuck off.









Burger & Fry Balls


Anyways, in spirit of yesterdays Mashed Potato & Gravy Balls, here is a Cheesburger Fry Ball. I know, I know…no bacon. Suck me dry. I wasn’t 100% on this actually being as easy as it was, so I kept it simple.

I tooled around with the thought that I might have to make these first and freeze them, or maybe egg wash them and bread them. I was fucking mistaken.

I took some leftover fries from mine and my wife poutine dinner last night and nuked them in the microwave for a minute. I chopped and mixed the fries with a handful of shredded cheddar cheese.


I formed the fries around some store bought, but not frozen, meatballs. Yeah, they’re turkey meatballs because they were on fucking sale suck my dirt tunnel about it. I figured it would be 10x easier to use meatballs instead of fucking around with temperatures to get raw meat in the middle to cook.


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Notice the lack of oil in the pan. I’m not sure if this was better than actually deep frying it, but all I had to do was roll the balls around (in my mouth like a normally do) in the oil for a few minutes.



Plate that shit and serve with ketchup. Pay close attention to the wood paneling in my fucking dining room.