[HOW TO] Bacon Wrapped Hot Dog & Mac Stuffed Grilled Cheese

Hot Dogs & Mac ‘n Cheese. The International meal-combo of people who constantly overdraft and bounce checks. You could easily cook a witches cauldrons’ worth for about 3 bucks. Using anything other than Kraft macaroni & cheese is such a sin that even ISIS wouldn’t take you the fuck in.

The real trick to making this bad bitch is being able to comfortably fit everything between two slices of white bread. (loaf purchased from Baller General for $.99) For this we use a method I like to call “squash the shit out of some of the bread with the bottom of a bar glass”

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Once you’ve created a bread vessel (both slices), fill that nasty little hooker with some mac the fuck cheese and place slices of hot dog across the whole fuckin’ mess of it.

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Pop the top on that bitch and commence bacon wrap. You’ll need 6 slices. 3 to lay each way. We’ve seen this method before with my bacon wrapped mozzarella buns.

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Make sure the ends of the bacon all meet on the same side of the sandwich. This is important because when you put it into a hot pan you want that side to sear well so the whole shit doesn’t unravel.

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When I put this shit into my pan, I also put like 4 dinner plates on top to add some weight to get a good sear. I don’t have a photo of that because I was high as shit from eating my weed-fried Oreos.

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Cook it until you get a nice dark bacon crust on the side you put down. When the one side is nice and crispy looking, give’r a flip and cook the other side. No need for the plates on this side.

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Here’s the part where I would normally call it a wrap and then read a bunch of comments where people are telling me the bacon isn’t cooked all the way and blah blah fucking blah.

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So I stuck a skewer through the middle of the sandwich and cooked all of the sides for you cunts.

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Buffalo Chicken Mac ‘n Cheese Quesadilla-Pizza. Quesapizza?

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Pizza and quesadillas. Like OJ Simpson & Nicole Brown these two were just meant for each other.

Instead of making your standard issue quesadilla, I stuck some mac ‘n cheese and buffalo chicken between layers of flour tortilla. I’m actually not really sure that this classifies as a quesadilla, but this is my fucking fairy tale I’ll tel it how I want.

The prep/execution is pretty self explanatory just from the picture, but I know some of you will somehow have fucking questions.

So here you go.

Little bit of vegetable oil in a hot pan. Crisp up both side of 3 flour tortillas. Build your ‘pizzadilla’ just as I did in the video and bake in the oven.

It actually held up much better than I thought it would. It was able to be eaten just like a slice of pizza. Thought there was a good chance it was gonna end up a fuckin muck soggy mess.

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Surf ‘n Turf Mac Pie

Steak & Lobster style surf ‘n turf is cool…if you’re a fucking loser. Swap the cow for pig every time.

I actually wanted to use some Alaskan King Crab for this recipe, but I had some vacuum sealed lobster from the last time I cooked lobsters. Which proved to fuck me in the end because it was rubbery as fuck and tasted like a cock. 

 

 

I was able to mask the stank of the lobster with 2 pounds of extra thick Smithfield Bacon sprinkles. I’m not sure what the proper name of the pie pan I used is, but I’m gonna call it pie pan with a belt.

 

 

Pretty easy to cook and I really could have went in any direction with this fucker. Pulled pork and scallops. Chicken and shrimp. Fuckin’ pigs feet and uni, I don’t fuckin’ know.

 

 

Mac n’ Cheese Pinwheel Meatloaf

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It’s come to my attention that people literally fucking hate meatloaf and I just don’t understand.

What’s to hate? The fact that it’s fully customizable? The fact that cheese and ketchup are typically involved? That fact that if you had this growing up, the farthest you’ve made it in life is part time food blogger?

Anyways, I made a mac n’ cheese pinwheel meatloaf. Typical meatloaf suspects – salt, pepper, onion, onion powder, ketchup, eggs, some liquid smoke, breadcrumbs and other various spices – all flattened out on a cookie sheet, layered with mac, and rolled the fuck up. Cover and bake at 350 for an hour, remove foil and top with tomato soup out of the can. Under the broiler on low for about 15 minutes. Serve with a tall glass of go fuck yourself.

 

 

 

Cheetos Crusted Mac n’ Cheese Fries

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One of my main man squeezes, Josh Schereherjeh (yup 100% that’s how it’s spelled) from culinarybrodown.com created a recipe for some Mac n’ Cheese Fries with a Sriracha Stout Chili back in June of this year.

Long story short I’m using some common steps from his recipe to really shit-it-the-fuck-up over here. I can’t be bothered with the whole process of boiling noodles or making some sort of chili. I’ll instead be opting for some already frozen mac n’ cheese and most likely a large vat of ketchup for dipping.

Necessary equipment:

-Some frozen Mac the fuck cheese

-Eggs

-Spices

-Flour

-Crushed Cheetos

-Oil to fry with you fucking idiots.

 

 

 

The first step in this elaborate scheme of things is to obtain some mac n’ cheese. I opted for the family size Stouffers Mac n’ cheese bundle from the freezer section of my grocery store. I let the Mac n’ cheese thaw on my counter for a few hours while I casually drank in my yard and pretended like I was doing yard work. Once the mac was thawed, I lined a cookie sheet with some wax paper, loaded on the mac, and stuck in my freezer overnight.

I removed the mac the following day and proceeded to cut it into fry shaped sticks…or something. Might have been in my best interest to either score the mac with a knife before freezing, or let thaw for like 20 minutes after pulling it from the freezer. It was a real cock in the ass cutting this shit. Some of the “fries” broke and shit so that upset me, and either the knife I was using wasn’t sharp enough or I’m a bigger pussy than my dad tells me I am.

Once I had the mac n’ cheese all chopped up into fry-esque sticks, I coated them with some seasoned flour. After flouring I egg washed and then coated them with some crushed Cheetos. I would highly recommend after bathing them in the Cheetos to stick them back in the freezer for an hour or two. I didn’t do this because I’m fucked. This will help them cook more evenly. By the time I got to frying the last few they had thawed a little too much from sitting out, so fuck me.

 

 

Bacon-Mac Pinwheel Buns

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I often dream of living in a world where burger buns have thrown to the fucking wind. Bread is terrible and makes you fucking fat.

Cinnamon bun burgers, Mac n cheese buns, and ramen buns. This is the kind of shit that gets my cock hard, and not just like regular hard. The kind of hard where even if you try to make it go away by thinking of your grandmothers tits, your cock prevails, grows larger, and really gets the blood flowing to the head.

The key to this, and almost any other bacon inspired operations, is the quality and thickness of your meat. although it still tastes great, cheap bacon cooks like fucking shit. Especially when your looking to build a weave out of that shit. So go with the thick ‘heady’ bacon.

For this recipe you’re going to build yourself a bacon weave. You’re going to want to build it on a baking sheet because we’re going to cook it off a bit. Cook the weave at 425 for about 15 minutes. After cooking off, place the weave on a cutting board and layer on some cold mac the fuck cheese. Leave a decent amount of empty space at one end. Roll the weave up the long way towards the side with the space.

The next step is a little fucky, but you’re going to slice off 1 inch slices of the bacon toboggan, and pin the bacon together with a toothpick. It might be easier to stick it in the freezer for three shakes of a lambs cunt before cutting it. After slicing it, lay on a cutting board and freeze for two hours. Remove the “buns” from the freezer, remove the toothpicks, and follow standard frying procedures. (375 for 7-10 minutes)

Pulled Pork Stuffed Mac the Fuck Cheese Balls

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Been a minute since I did a post. The kind of minute where Casey Anthony walks into your child’s nursery. Just all fucked up sniffing babies. 

Fuck.

Anyways, My boy from MEATMITCH.COM hooked me up with some legit as fuck BBQ sauces, so I had to get all cock in hand with these shits. I thought it would be cool to have a Mac the Fuck cheese ball with some meat in the middle that had been smothered with one of his sick as all fuck sauces. It turned out to be easy as fuck. The video I did was the first attempt and I fucking hit the head on the cock.